Exclusive HOLI Discounts!
Get Courses and Combos at Upto 50% OFF!
Upgrad
LCI Learning

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Share on LinkedIn

Share on Email

Share More

Prasad (senior consultant)     24 August 2013

Restitution

I am a keralite working as a senior consultant in an IT company in Bangalore. I belong to a middle class family.I married a dietician in 2007 who is a Retired Colonel in Indian Army. When this proposal came to me in 2006 I tried to explain her about the difference in ‘civilian-defence’life and the background.I am a teetotaler  who has never tasted alcohol in my 35 years of life and also I don’t smoke.I have told this to her right on day 1 when I first spoke to her.She said she felt very lucky to get a person like me as her hubby as her father is an alcoholic. My parents and my sister too spoke to her explaining her about our background. We also told  her that our house is in front of paddy fields set up in the backdrop of a   village.She said she liked living in a village as her grandmother’s ancestral home is in a village.

First year of our marriage passed by without much issues but I could feel the divide between two families due to the difference in their  background.My Parents are very adjustable  in nature hence they did not raise any issue as they are well aware of the fact that it could affect the harmony of my family.My son was born in 2009 April and issues started cropping up slowly between me and my wife. Major reason for the tussle is the attitude of her parents. They slowly started ignoring me and my parents after they got a grand son. She then refused to come back to Bangalore  and not allowing me to meet my son.Her parents are now saying me and my parents  don’t have ‘high’ status.I then filed a restitution in a family court.court had ordered her to bring my son but she did not.They then posted the case to sep for counselling and asked her to appear along with my son.She is now asking for a divorce.I have looked after my wife and son very well and have proof to substantiate the same.

My father in law is unfortunately a chronic alcoholic & has got a lot of properties /Fixed deposits in his name and he threatens my wife and her  mother   of handing over the same to any Orphanage or to his brother’s children if they don’t follow his instructions. Wife’s mother always reminds my wife that she is tolerating her husband just to ensure his wealth and property  doesn’t fall into wrong hands. This is creating huge issues in my life as well as in my wife’s. My wife spends most of her time satisfying her father’s needs so that she continues in his good books.  . My mother in law and my wife expected me to ‘show off’ love and respect towards my father in law. I am a straight forward person and he  found it extremely difficult to ‘act’ in front of him but I always gave the respect he deserved through out  the past last 6 years.

My mother in law is extremely possessive about my wife and my son because of this she never liked my wife and son visiting my house.My parents would have spent just about 10 days with my son in the last 4.4 years. Since they are very adjustable they did not create any issue with my wife’s parents on this. They always wanted my married life  to be smooth and happy so they never tried to interfere in my life. My parents were humiliated more than once by wife’s parents during public functions still they remained silent as they know any reaction from their end would affect my peace of mind. This was misinterpreted as their weakness.Please advice me  on how to approach this.

 

 

 

    

 

 



Learning

 1 Replies


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Prasad


I am a keralite working as a senior consultant in an IT company in Bangalore. I belong to a middle class family.I married a dietician in 2007 who is a Retired Colonel in Indian Army. When this proposal came to me in 2006 I tried to explain her about the difference in ‘civilian-defence’life and the background.I am a teetotaler  who has never tasted alcohol in my 35 years of life and also I don’t smoke.I have told this to her right on day 1 when I first spoke to her.She said she felt very lucky to get a person like me as her hubby as her father is an alcoholic.

 

My parents and my sister too spoke to her explaining her about our background. We also told  her that our house is in front of paddy fields set up in the backdrop of a   village.She said she liked living in a village as her grandmother’s ancestral home is in a village.
 

First year of our marriage passed by without much issues but I could feel the divide between two families due to the difference in their  background.My Parents are very adjustable  in nature hence they did not raise any issue as they are well aware of the fact that it could affect the harmony of my family.

 

My son was born in 2009 April and issues started cropping up slowly between me and my wife.

Major reason for the tussle is the attitude of her parents. They slowly started ignoring me and my parents after they got a grand son. She then refused to come back to Bangalore  and not allowing me to meet my son.

Her parents are now saying me and my parents  don’t have ‘high’ status.I then filed a restitution in a family court.

court had ordered her to bring my son but she did not.

 

They then posted the case to sep for counselling and asked her to appear along with my son.

She is now asking for a divorce.

 

I have looked after my wife and son very well and have proof to substantiate the same.

My father in law is unfortunately a chronic alcoholic & has got a lot of properties /Fixed deposits in his name and he threatens my wife and her  mother   of handing over the same to any Orphanage or to his brother’s children if they don’t follow his instructions.


Wife’s mother always reminds my wife that she is tolerating her husband just to ensure his wealth and property  doesn’t fall into wrong hands.

 

This is creating huge issues in my life as well as in my wife’s. My wife spends most of her time satisfying her father’s needs so that she continues in his good books.  . My mother in law and my wife expected me to ‘show off’ love and respect towards my father in law. I am a straight forward person and he  found it extremely difficult to ‘act’ in front of him but I always gave the respect he deserved through out  the past last 6 years.

My mother in law is extremely possessive about my wife and my son because of this she never liked my wife and son visiting my house.

 

My parents would have spent just about 10 days with my son in the last 4.4 years. Since they are very adjustable they did not create any issue with my wife’s parents on this. They always wanted my married life  to be smooth and happy so they never tried to interfere in my life.

 

My parents were humiliated more than once by wife’s parents during public functions still they remained silent as they know any reaction from their end would affect my peace of mind. This was misinterpreted as their weakness.Please advice me  on how to approach this.

 

 

 

    

 

 

1.  Why did she marry you if living with her mom and dad was her primary motive?

2.  If it were so, she should have not married you at all, instead opted for adoption/IVF and got a kid.

3.  There is no oneness among you both.  Why?

4.  To be straight forward is good, but remember straight trees are cut first.  No harm in nodding your head when it comes to the financial well being of you aned your wife.

5.  Instead of going for RCR, you could have as well sat n spoke to her for hours together.

6.  You have lost grip on your wife and in turn your MIL has gained grip on your wife and your kid.  Now talking to MIL wont be of any use.  Instead talk to your wife.  After marriage it should not be my parents is my famiily, but my husband , my wife, our kid should be the motto which will make you lead happy married and family life.

You are saying "My son" no doubt its your son, but there should be this attitude of "Our Son".  Oneness is missing totally.  5-6 years is long time wherein you could have both achieved the status of One Family, Our Family.  Even now, its not too late, first you realize the importance of being together has a family ie you and your wife and your kid.  Then make her understand the same.  Only then your lives will be happy one's or else no charm in going to court halls, fighting for divorce.  Fighting false cases, fighting custody cases, all in all a total waste of precious time.


Forget your differences for the sake of the kid.  Thinking US is the mantra for oneness.

1 Like

Leave a reply

Your are not logged in . Please login to post replies

Click here to Login / Register