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Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

How can an rcr help me in getting my wife back to my home?

 

Hi,

 

We got married in January, 2013. It was an arranged marriage (in Rajasthan) but I could not get the marriage registered as my wife has got no ID proof so I had to run from one place to another and then I had to come back to New Delhi. So, we started living here and for about 42 days we stayed together until her father came without informing me and took her to her parental home assuring me that she would be back soon. It is notable that my wife always misbehaved with me with respect to marital intercourse and never allowed me to establish any physical relationship with her. This was severe mental harassment for me but I still continued to convince her in various ways and did my best to make her feel loved and cared. Still she was under the bad influence of her mother who was actually misguiding her and my wife was not allowing me to have marital intercourse with her.

 

So, one night there was a fight between us that there was no physical relationship between us and it was causing me much disturbance and grief. She had been misbehaving with me in many ways such by holding my color and threatening me that if I pressurized her for s*x then she would call her mother and then would not come back to me. So, I was staying silent and did not tell her parents about this. Though my aunt who introduced this girl to me, was aware of it and she had asked her father to visit there and make his daughter understand the importance of marital relationship. But her father never visited my home nor my aunt's as he knew that it was already planned by his wife i.e. my mother-in-law.

So, that day also she was raising her hands on me and this was enough and for the first time I could not control myself and slapped her on her shoulders.

 

She told her parents and then her father came with my uncle and took her. Since 1st March my wife has been with her parents and her parents keep saying that if I talk to any of their relatives then they will send me behind the bars, and that they want their gifts back and are not willing to send their daughter back to me. They also alleged that I used to come home drunk and would beat her every day and that I used fight every day and would treat her badly. All this was not true because until now I have not taken any single drop of alcohol. I only slapped her once and that too after receiving such bad treatment from her. What husband would tolerate his wife's beating him? I did that. I admit. Because I loved her so badly. I thought she would be fine in some months and would understand the meaning of marriage and love one day but it seems she is going to take a long time to do that. 

 

Now, what choices do I have? An advocate is going to file an RCR for me. Will this help me get my wife back? I have no intentions of leaving her or divorcing her. My mother-in-law and her daughter i.e. my wife can't play with my emotions and social image like this. They must learn a lesson and be obliged to let me have my wife back to me.

I also want to state here that she told me she was 12th passed with 1st division and was a student of an English Medium School. However, her parents never showed me any mark-sheet of her 12th grade. Though, after marriage her father did give me a Xerox copy of her 10th standard which shows that she did it from National Open School, New Delhi from a correspondence mode. I am not going to argue on this point because it really does not matter to me but they have certainly cheated me somehow or the other way.

Please help me.

 

Thanks,

DK.

 



Learning

 29 Replies


(Guest)

RCR is just a piece of paper.


No court in India cannot force your wife to come back to you.


But you can file divorce based on desertion.


Here I'd like to know, after going through so much WRT your wife's nature, behavior, why do you still want her back?

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     20 May 2013

Yes, RCR is just a twilight to Divorce, and what is the use of making a home by decree of the Court through the edict of law. A home is made by heart not by the edict of Law. I entirely agree with helping hand opinion.

Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

Because I LOVE My Wife. I know she has got an innocent heart and that it is her mother who is misguiding her. Her mother used to beat her every day and night and I witnessed it one day and resisted so she got mad on me and I think she took an oath to take revenge on me. Exactly that is what is happening. My wife never used her brains. She can easily be brainwashed. Why lose a relationship if one party is under the evil influence of somebody else? Why not try doing things that can bring about changes in that person? I am doing exactly that. I have respect for her parents. This is my sanskar. But in the end, I would say, I love her no matter how she behaves now. She used to be just nice before marriage. I can't ever forget this.

 

Or else, I am a pagal lover and husband. I am proud to say that.

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     20 May 2013

If your wife can be brainwashed by her mother why not you? I think there is something seriously wroung with your wife, always listening to other and not you? Better get a wife who listen and trust you. Remember, we remember the past but we love the future, so don't surrender yourself completely with your feelings for tyour wife, and let your head be governed by reasons not emotions. Now days, we dont live in the world like the film Quyamat se Quyamat tak.

1 Like

Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

Dear N.K. Assumi,

 

You are right. I could also brainwash her. Just 10 days before that fight, she called me while I was in office. She was crying and saying sorry to me for all her misbehaviour. I was touched and felt that she was now becoming a better wife. Can you imagine what I said on the phone? "Physical relationship though is important for both of us and you need to understand this but I am more happy to have you by my side. Don't cry. I am coming home early in th evening." But her changed nature lasted for some 2 days only and she was the same person again.

 

Even while writing this and thinking of her changed nature is making me cry. God, I am in office! You're right with respect to my emotions. So, to be honest, I have consulted a Psycaitrist today and would be seeing the doctor this weekend so that I can find sleep and can focus on work. It's been 81 days since I have not seen her. Exactly double the amount of time we spent together.

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     20 May 2013

Best wishes to you.


(Guest)

Hi Dev,

I m not an expert, but i m facing exactly same situation as u. In fact  my case is worse coz in my case our 5 month old son is also involved.

I think first of all u have to become emotionaly very storng. Keep patience in such matters. Dont bow down to your mother in law. This kind of mother in laws now a days taking advantage of their son in law's love towards thei daughter. i think even she will not be happy to keep her daughter at her home forever. So time being avoid taking any legal step, just wait & watch.  Let them take the step first. If u r in contact with your wife then continue it & try to brainwash her.. Even if u loose ur  patience after sometime then send her legal notice to come back & again wait for her reply .  I think its better than RCR.

Experts Pls correct me if i m suggesting anything wrong.

Need Justice (manager)     20 May 2013

Iam also facing the same prob as me. dev is facing bt in my part my wife is not ready to take divorce and she is staying with me and giving lots of mental pain to me on daily basis we had intercourse (adultry) only once that too forcefully from my end as she told me on very first night she dont want to have adultry atleast for 2-3 years.

Can some one tell me how can i proceed for divorce as we got married on dec., 2012 and iam only 25yrs old guy.

w8tng for some valuable and needy suggestions.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     20 May 2013

Here is your Mother in law the main problem so be prepared to do the next act before going to court or any legal step

1. contact her dailly do not raise the issue talk to her nicely and discuss what is going on in your office and about your friedns

2. if possible go to the place and stay for couple of days after all you are damadh and you have every right to stay in your mother in law house there you show how changed guy you are do not ask when she is coming spend ample time with your wife show her your presence how important to her how caring you are for her 

3. this steps may be not important but if you want your wife to return to your home then do what they like show them that your are more caring for her daughter 

i am telling those words because you are recently married and you want her back at any cost and all this legal issues can be filed if your steps are failed finally but try to talk to her 

Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

Hi Mahesh,

 

 

Your suggestions are nice but in my case they hold no grounds. Let me tell you why. My in-laws have threatened my parents and uncle and aunt that if I call my wife then they would put me behind the bars. So, I can't call. But I did try to say sorry to them just to pacify them. A few days ago I called on the land-line number and my mother-in-law picked it up. I said: "Maa, please talk to me." She interrupted and said: "Why should I talk to you? You stay in your limits (Tu apni aukad me reh." and then she cut the call. I tried two - three times more and she heard my voice and cut the calls. 

 

I am her damaad / son-in-law but let me tell you all that this lady upon seeing me will never open the door and will insult me may be will call Police. She is very dangerous because her husband (my father-in-law) works in PWD there and is a very currupt givernment employee. He has contacts with bad contractors and other political leaders so this makes my wife think that her father can do anything to me and so she has nothing to fear.

Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

 

Hi All,

 

I really appreciate your support and suggestions. I am a husband who regards the bond of marriage very highly and piously. 

Yesterday my maternal aunt went to my hometown to  visit my wife at her home. So she called her parents that she was coming there but her parents gave excuses that they were going out for a marriage ceremony and that they did not want to talk about the matter.

They said "It's all over. We don't want this relationship." Her mother said: "I will not send my daughter. Return our furnitures. Be grateful that we have not sent you any notice yet. Who says he earns this much salary a month... he never gave my daughter any money, used to lock her in, tortured her in so many ways... ... blah... blah..." My wife also said she would not come back to me and she would marry some other guy her mother would choose.

 

My aunt told my mother-in-law that there was no Suhaagraat (marital intercourse). That lady replied: "So what? I also did not have suhaagraat for 3 months with my husband."

 

Mein rishte ko bachane ke liye jukna jaanta hun. Sahta raha hun. That lady is saying: "Dev has talked to our relatives and has spoiled our image so we will not spare him now."

 

Gentle People, I waited for over 2 months without talking to anybody. Then I talked to the three brothers of my mother-in-law who are of good nature. They said that they would talk to my mother-in-law but also commented clear words that she is a bad-behaved lady and that she wants to control everyone and can do any harm to them as well. So they did not put much effort. I talked to my father-in-law's elder brother who was also informed in details by my aunt and uncle and he said he would set things right and would take the responsibility of getting to a happy ending. But he also disappeard from the scene and became unreachable.

People, please tell me was my approach wrong? They all said the same thing that my wife's parents are very egoist and have no social interactions with any of their blood-relatives. They all live close by still they never meet. 

 

This lady who is my wife's mother says: "All my relatives are saying Dev is a bad guy why did you get your daughter married to him? He is approaching us and shamelessly telling us that there was no physical relationship between him and his wife. Blah! Blah!"

 

So, I am not talking to them now. I called them only once or twice and requested if they could help me and make my in-laws undersatnd that marriage is not a dolls' game.

 

I must be boring you all of my story. I am a helpless husband and lover. I know I can start a new life and there are many fish in the sea. But how am I going to trust my own eyes when I see someone for my next life-partner? How am I going to beleive her words 'I Love You' when I hear them again from someone? How is it going to be confirmed that I will have a better life hereafter? I am ready to change myself for my wife. But where did I go wrong? She slapped me so many times and I did that only once and all this made me completely wrong as presented by her and her mother. 

 

I am still not convinced that my wife is to be blamed. I am to be blamed that I trusted her. Next person to be blamed is her mother. There is no one else that can be called the main culprit. 

   


(Guest)

It takes two to tango.

 

You have told everthing but why your MIL behaves in such way.  So tell what actually is happening.

Originally posted by : Dev

Because I LOVE My Wife. I know she has got an innocent heart and that it is her mother who is misguiding her. Her mother used to beat her every day and night and I witnessed it one day and resisted so she got mad on me and I think she took an oath to take revenge on me. Exactly that is what is happening. My wife never used her brains. She can easily be brainwashed. Why lose a relationship if one party is under the evil influence of somebody else? Why not try doing things that can bring about changes in that person? I am doing exactly that. I have respect for her parents. This is my sanskar. But in the end, I would say, I love her no matter how she behaves now. She used to be just nice before marriage. I can't ever forget this.

 

Or else, I am a pagal lover and husband. I am proud to say that.


This theory though does exist, I dont believe in it, that it could be the reason for tension between the two of you.


The lamest of the person with an IQ less than that of a pig can make out what is beneficial and what is non-beneficial.


Just try and look a bit deeper than from the point of view of a husband lover, there definitely must be more to it than what meets the eye.


And nobody will give you any award for your status of "pagal lover husband", why I say this?  All laws are favorable only to women, in the coming days when there aer new laws and new ammendments to old laws, it becomes more the difficult for you, you can skip through few pages in family law section of LCI and you will know what am I pointing toward.


Now, looking that your intentions are good one's, these are the steps you should be taking to secure yourself and your parentage etc.


1.  Start recording all the conversations on phone, even those, where your MIL is being abusive and threatening you of dire consequenses for reasons best known to her.

2.  Start recording all such conversations between you and your wife.


Why record?

Just in case out of the blue there is a false case registered against you, as you yourself have explained that you once hit her, such a minsicule event might attract easily a 498a, or any other criminal complaint, then these recordings will help yourself bail out.

Dev (IT Professional)     20 May 2013

Yes, yesterday's conversation was recorded by my brother as my aunt was speaking with my mother-in-law. These things were found important in the conversation recorded:

 

My mother-in-law said with respect to the marital intercourse: "So what? I also did not have suhaagraat with my husband for 3 months."

 

My aunt said: "Why are you mentioning so many times that you spent 20 lac on the wedding? Was there any demand from the boy's family's side?"

 

She said: "No!"

 

All her false allegations were also recorded. Will this be helpful?

 

Yes, I have to accept this that my wife can easily understand what is in her interest and what is not. I also being good to her always, asked her if she wanted to marry someone else. She said that there was no such thing. I trusted her because I knew that she began loving me after meeting me and if she did not want to marry me then she would not do that anyhow because her mother was against me after my midly questioning her why she was beating her daughter every other day. She did so much disturbance and confusion so that my girl would not marry me. She even played tricks like she told me that her daughter was a bad person and would spoil my life, and son. I talked to my girl what she was thinking and she said her mother was bad to her and would show all her love towards her younger sister only. I did not know who was speaking the truth or hiding any facts. Besides, being a professional I did not bother about the behavior of the in-laws and cared for my girl only and eventually married her.

 

I am so scarred now that even in my lives to come, I will never believe in a lady figure.

 

Friends, kya waqt aagaya hain meri zindgi me. We zinhe me apne parents ke samaan darja deta tha aur unki ladki ne itna ganda suluk mere saath kiya fir bhi unhe taklif na ho is liye unse sikayat tak mene aage ho kar nahi kari we hi log aaj meri zindgi ke dushman bane hue hain. Mein peechhale 80 dino se nahi soya hun. Bilkul nahi. Sarir thak jata hain aur ye baaten yaad aakarke rulati hain aur fir thori der ke liye mein murda ho jata hun aur fir uth ke office aajata hun. Yaha pe bhi kaam nahi kar pata hun. Sab pucchte "How is married life treating you? Eating bhabhiji's hands-made foods? Is there any good news now, Dev?"

 

Mein kitna depression me hun. Kya aap log is samay ruk kar apne bhagwan se mere liye prarthana karenge? Shayad aap sabhi ki prarthanaye mere liye miracles ghatit karde. Please.


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Dev

Hi Mahesh,

 

 

Your suggestions are nice but in my case they hold no grounds. Let me tell you why. My in-laws have threatened my parents and uncle and aunt that if I call my wife then they would put me behind the bars. So, I can't call. But I did try to say sorry to them just to pacify them. A few days ago I called on the land-line number and my mother-in-law picked it up. I said: "Maa, please talk to me." She interrupted and said: "Why should I talk to you? You stay in your limits (Tu apni aukad me reh." and then she cut the call. I tried two - three times more and she heard my voice and cut the calls. 

 

I am her damaad / son-in-law but let me tell you all that this lady upon seeing me will never open the door and will insult me may be will call Police. She is very dangerous because her husband (my father-in-law) works in PWD there and is a very currupt givernment employee. He has contacts with bad contractors and other political leaders so this makes my wife think that her father can do anything to me and so she has nothing to fear.

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