tejas 02 December 2016

Seeking advise

Dear All,

I was married for more than 14 years and having a son of 13 years. My marriage life is not good since day one. He is an egoistic man, lying everything is his habit, manipulate things as per his convenience, always accounts my cash for a single penny. We are from Sikh family and he shows himself to be very religious God fearing person, Amritdhari & sevadaar. He is totally devoted to his parents & sisters. We have different opinions but I was trying to adjust with his behaviour. When I got my first salary after marriage I had given the same to my in-laws due to respect him as elders. They have kept the same and started giving me a pocket money out of that but my husband started fighting with me that why am not returning balance money out of pocket money to my husband or in-laws. They are giving me only Rs. 1000/- as a pocket money. His parents are also doing very cheap things with me at home regarding money matters but am trying to manage so that everything will be solved. In the meantime, i blessed with a son but arguments are increasing day by day and our families were trying to solve the issues. Even we had taken help of mediators also but all in vain. So many time I came back to my parents and returned to my inlaws. Even, two times police were also involved. My husband had taken a rented house and asked me to leave my in-laws house but I had not accepted the same and continue leaving there only. My husband had started sleeping at rented house and whole of the day he was in my inlaws house as his work was also in his home but I was at my inlaws house only. One day, I opt from this situation because it's becoming very difficult to stay there alone. I was at my parents home for one year and in the meantime, they had done a marriage of their daughter without informing me. Am very much concern about my son future and I have no option but to accept his condition to stay at rented house and contribute 50% expenses. Actually, when I was blessed with son I left the job and restarted my job when he was 1 year 9 month and told my husband that now I will not going to give my salary to my inlaws because they behaved very badly during my pregnancy time and they have not fulfilled small basic needs of my son also. My husband was also part of this behaviour. So, they thought now there was no use to keep her here. In 2006, when my son was 3 years old I started leaving with him at rented house. With so many fights and all, I tried to maintain our relations. I started meeting my in-laws and try to make everything ok. For past one year, I suspect him with some other lady. Even, my son informed me so many times that his father is having extra marital affairs. The first time, I had not believed the same that he can do this and even tried to solve my son confusions. One day I had seen his whats app where somebody was asking about 5 years relationship and all. I had discussed with my husband but by the time he deleted all the messages and refused to tell me who is the person. Now, yesterday again my son has seen condoms in his jacket for which my husband had given the excuse to me that he was doing s*x alone and using the condom. We have no relationships for so many years. Even I tried to make it so many times but he refuses with so many excuses. He has a lot of excuses for each and everything. He always hurt me. Once, he tapped my phone also to know that what am talking to my mother and where I had kept my gold and savings then he had taken all the gold of his side from me even the gold which my parents had given to him also. Now, am staying at the rented house and have no gold. My future is in dark even am worried about my son future. I don't know what to do?

Please advise.

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9 Replies

adv.bharat @ PUNE (Lawyer) 02 December 2016

You can filed divorce case in the local court.

A walk alone (-) 02 December 2016

You have two option 1) file maintenance , ipc 406 and divorce case. ( if you want divorce) . As you are doing job chances of getting maintenance is less. Your son can get maintenance. But remember Going court or filing any case in family matters is only wastage of time and money. Family matters can never solved in court 2) if you dnt want divorce then dnt file any case. Try Involve elders to sort out problem. You can take help of marriage counselor. You are self dependent .Focus on your job and son future. Give son good education. Choice is your you can choose any option

Zoheb Khatri (Practicing in Mumbai ZohebKhatri@gmail.com) 02 December 2016

First Decide what do you want?

Court cases will only push him away, seek counselling first, and try to resolve amicably

tejas 03 December 2016

Dear All,

Thanks for your suggestion. I know divorce is a solution but I don't want to take a divorce because this will destroy my son life. He is very touchy. Even now he is very naughty due to our bad relationship. Not listening to me as his father is not respecting me. He will listen to his father only because he of his punishments (like emotional blackmail or otherwise beat him badly).

Now, my husband is in the extramarital affair which is hurting me.

Actually, he spends his maximum time at his parent's house because his work is also there. He is running his play way school up to 5th std. and coaching institute at my inlaws house where my mother in law didn't allow me to live. He is earning less money but spending a maximum of his salary for himself, his parents and for their house. He is not spending a penny for his child also.

I am staying at the rented house and wants to secure our future.

Please advise a way that he can understand his duties towards our side also.

I want him to purchase a home for us. Am ready to spend a money also but he does not agree. Now, I want to go back to my inlaws house as my mother-in-law is alone there and even my husband is there the whole of the day so that I can keep on eye on his activities and save my future and relationship with him,

(Guest)

Trust is something on which every relationship stands, no trust.. no relationship. Though it’s a give and take relationship, marriage, when one person is adamant, the other has to be forgiving and bend to the circumstances, only for sake of keeping the marriage running. This many of our mothers and fathers have done and are still doing just to save the marriage. We have to learn from them. If we opt otherwise, then we should be ready to live alone, take divorce, and forget that marriage did once exist.

Married life calls for decorum, and sticking to one decision taken at the time of marriage, ie to adjust with each other, no matter what.

Madam, you have been married too long for any advocate to advice you anything. If you are seeking alimony you can file a petition in court. Everything takes time, and you need to be patient. Either you need to be patient in Marriage or you need to be patient while attending court dates. Choice is yours. Matrimonial disputes don’t have any solution in court halls. Take care.

tejas 05 December 2016

Dear Helping Hand,

First of all, thanks for your reply. Am not seeking alimony if I have to do so I will do in the beginning. Now, my son is 13 years old and am very much concerned about his future. My husband is psyco. We are on rent. His mother is owing a home where I got married even my husband is running school there but she doesn't allow us to stay there. My husband is the only son and had two sisters (both are married). My husband is taking care of each & everything at my mother-in-law home. He is not spending a penny on me & my son. Only paying for rent and some important grocery items. He always says that he has no money to spend on us but always spend a lot of money on himself, on his parents and parental home.

Actually, just want to say before I feel that he was extra possessive for his parents and totally devoted to his family but when I got to know that he is in relationship with other women. I am worried about my & my son future. He has taken all the gold from me. Now, I have nothing no gold, no home.

Is it there any way that I will go back to his parental home where he is spending his maximum time?

1) I can watch on his earning. Stop wastage of rent.

2) I can watch with whom he is having relationship.

Please advise.

whatnot 05 December 2016

This forum cannot take a decision for you.

You have to decide how you want to lead your life with consideration to your son.

At the outset, the relationship has been soured. Son being age of teen, he would be off on his in couple of years. With all barricades knowingly or unkowningly there is a drift and gulf can't be repaired.

If your case is genuine, reach out to CAW (womens cell) of your local police station and pick up from there. You might need a support. invlove family memebers.

(Guest)

Originally posted by : tejas
	Dear Helping Hand, First of all, thanks for your reply. Am not seeking alimony if I have to do so I will do in the beginning. Now, my son is 13 years old and am very much concerned about his future. My husband is psyco. We are on rent. His mother is owing a home where I got married even my husband is running school there but she doesn't allow us to stay there. My husband is the only son and had two sisters (both are married). My husband is taking care of each & everything at my mother-in-law home. He is not spending a penny on me & my son. Only paying for rent and some important grocery items. He always says that he has no money to spend on us but always spend a lot of money on himself, on his parents and parental home. Actually, just want to say before I feel that he was extra possessive for his parents and totally devoted to his family but when I got to know that he is in relationship with other women. I am worried about my & my son future. He has taken all the gold from me. Now, I have nothing no gold, no home. Is it there any way that I will go back to his parental home where he is spending his maximum time? 1) I can watch on his earning. Stop wastage of rent. 2) I can watch with whom he is having relationship. Please advise.

Relationships are based on trust, something is missing in your relationship with your husband, who is at fault, you guys are better people to judge and decide. All the above two things which you want can be done provided relationship is good. There doesnt seem to be any relationship at all, what is left can be called as namesake relationship, neither you are too much bothered about it, nor he is bothered about it. You both are just being selfish to reasons best known to you. None else.

In court we dont have solutions for problems like yours. Matrimonial disputes have only one solution in court - DIVORCE. Rest all reliefs such as maintenance, alimony, custody, visitation rights, etc are all eyewash, nobody gets nothing, only endless roaming to court.

If things can be better, that can be through mutual understanding and respect for each other. All the best.

tejas 07 December 2016

Dear Helping Hand,

Thanks for your reply.

Am trying my best for last 14 years to make a good relationship. Am living him with for sake of my son future otherwise no point. He is not giving me any respect, love, care, money, etc. Now, his extramarital affair is cursing me.

First, I thought that what he was doing with me was the same his father had done with his mother but now his extramarital affair is too much.

Anyways, I will try to manage the relationship by the time I can.

Thanks