Wife puts condition to come back

It looks like a very clear trap. Call her through the RCR. Let her tell those conditions in RCR reply. Then you will have a formal document.

As for as my knowledge, there in no law which forces anyone to have job or not or law which forces you to take a specific job. As long as you say you can maintain your wife and kid, you will be in good position.

Also I think not getting specific job as per your lovely wife's demand, does not attract any harrasment issue or cheating issue. But it might be good for you as you can show it as wife's cruelity - Experts, please guide if i am wrong in this. 

Also it looks well defined and planned trap to increase maintenance and alimony. So be carefull.

Love must be unconditional. Asking for permanent job is indirectly like asking for well paid job. So more the money you earn, your life will be very good with your wife. Think over it.

P.S. Take this reply as advice only. Consult your local lawyer before proceedding.

You do 999 sacrifices for your wife and she will scold you for one sacrifice which you couldnt do. Thats fact of most of the litigating / potential litigating wife.

Better take your own tough stand. Stop communicating for some time (3-6 months). Try to find better job /business for your own growth. (not for showing her , but for your own growth )

Have happy time with parents. Time will come when all this drama has to stop and it will eventually. Till the time enjoy life.

If your finance permits, do send 1K, 2K money order for your wife/kid. To show that you care this will help later if something goes wrong.

Originally posted by : Amit---------------
	i came out of the wicked claws of a lady who was never satisfied, may whatever i do !! u show her pay-slip - she will start another dispute. u change job / abode ... dosent matter - she will be unsatisfied. u get up early - she will frawn ! u get up late - she will be angry !! i even changed the direction of my computer table on her instance; which was fix for last 14 years. still she quarreled. let her life at parental home ... dont start any litigation on ur own ... let her start. and u defend ... chalne do   (PS : this is my personal experience - i m sure the author will concur with me)

You made by day Amit, I had a real good laugh but i understand the trauma you might have gone throguh. Most of the litigating wives are like this only. 

@sudhir,

there is no income problem either at the time of marriage or after marriage.

@raj,

thanks for your advice. legally speaking, i also believe that she cannot ask for specific job and my present income is a decent one for a nuclear family living in a semi-urban area.

Now, thinking of the worst part - Maintenance case, if she files after receiving my payslip.

How the maintenance is calcuated? Many experts advised to have more liabilities. What are the liabilities  that court consider before awarding maintenance? I believe the following are considered:

1) Housing Loan

2) House Rent

Is there any other liability that court consider?  Please suggest.

thanks

@ Nandha 

Have you read the Book " Games people play " you are only playing mind games in this forum . 

One one side you speak of respect and the other side you are worried on the maintanence part . You talk of increasing your liabities . Based on your salary of 10 K may i know which bank or institution would give you a loan ????
 

if there is a legal proceeding then your salary details can be called from your company and your ocmpany instead of attending court in far off place will feel better to sack you.

there cannot be any blackmail or trap if wife wants details of your salary. It is her moral right.  It is also her moral right ( not legal) to ensure that you earn well within your capacity.

@sudhir,

I also agree it's her moral right to ask for my payslip, but when she left home, there was no issue on salary part. But suddenly she is demanding for the payslip, it raises doubt that she wants it as evidence to claim maintenance later on!

Willingness / assurance to bear all expenses and have comfortable life should be enough for husband & wife relationship.

I think your lovely might have consulted lawyer and dancing on lawyer's suggestion.

@Sudhir,

Leaving husband is moral right?

@experts,

My wife demanded payslip. I gave the payslip to her. One week there was no response from her. Again I contacted over phone. She told me to come in person for discussion. I told her that everything was discussed in front of elders and I was asked to submit my payslip which I did and it is her call now.

For the sake of my child, I even agreed to her another condition that my mother will not stay with us and she will be at my uncle's house.

Even after this, she is making excuses like that child has got used to people at her place and hence coming back will affect the child.  I even told her that every weekend (saturday & sunday) she can visit her parents and spend time there so that child also will be happy.  But, she did not agree, she is asking me come to her place on every sunday to visit the child.

After the visit, I was the one calling her, but she never called me back nor showed any kind of adjustment or interest in joining me.

I am totally fed up. I do not know what to do.

Nanda, Dear, 

she does not want to return.

she is just playing.

read my earlier replies.

my ex was no different

@author,

She is trapping you. Nothing doing... Be clever.

Eg: Show her the slip but dont give her a copy :P What ever she is demanding, take mail or message or record her voice.

Ask the reason for salary and slip. Tell you will maintain her with all basic necessities and needs.

Take all these and go to police station and report it. Then enjoy your life till she files case.

Hi Nandha

She is playing game with you. Now it is your turn. Try the following trick.

Ask her that i think now we can not live together so we should get divorce. are you interested? and wait for her reply .. don't chase for your answer.

She will automatically comes back to live with you.

This is the last option you can try to succeed.

Sometime going against the direction gives you desired result.

@ all,

I showed the payslip and did not give her any copy of it. The latest update is that yesterday she called me and said that she is attending coaching class for appearing a government clerk exam and hence cannot come immediately and asked time to join till September. Till that time asked me to visit her and child which I denied. 

To my surprise, she came up with an option that she will visit me on weekends!

Now the query is, can I agree to her sudden change in attitude?

But, the catch is that, if I agree and she passes the exam, the posting will be at her hometown and she will then refuse to join me. If I refuse her to take up the job, then she will say that I allowed her to go for coaching classes knowing that the posting will be at her hometown only.

Therefore, what options do I have?

Does the husband has  the right to stop her attending the coaching classes? because she joined the class during the period of separation and without husband's permission.

There is no legal separation, but wife stays away for husband for sometime and takes a decision on her own. Later on, while she wants to come back to husband with her own situation (attending classes), is the husband bound to accept it?

Even if wife stays away from husband, is she bound to take permission of husband for  appearing for exams which will keep her away from her matrimonial home.

Please advise.

Man! She is playing games with u and taking u for a ride... I completely agree with Amit and Arvind and have gone thru the same..

It was always her intention to have your child be brought up at her hometown by her parents.. so here was the trick..

STAGE 1

Im sure initially after u got married u were a very happy couple and like most husbands u must have gone out of ur way to make the wife happy.. Then soon she starts telling u all about the BAD habits of ur mother and all the GOOD habits of her parents.. she makes it very discreet so as not to alarm u but very subtly ensures she passes this messgae on to u.. at this stage most husbands come under the trap of the wife and start acting funny with their own parents and soon seperate from parents.. if this works for wife she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband..

STAGE 2

If not, then stage 2 where she has a child and asks that she deliver the child at her maternal home.. then makes husband keep visiting her ( of course u cant deny going to see her and ur lil bundle of joy ) then she will slowly influence u to get comfortable at her hometown since everything is so near.. she will subtly mention.. see babys hospital is so close and good and all requirements for baby is being met so well so will try to get u to movre in.. If u do.. she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband..

STAGE 3

if not, then finally she comes back to ur home and within a short span of time, strats finding faults in ur house, in ur parents, neighbours and basically everything and then keeps nagging the husband who is already fried up bcos of job and several other things.. eventually as most men,, u will snap and have a big showdown.. but trust me.. this is what she is waiting for and uses it to immediuately move to her parents place and then starts emotionally balckmailing u to move in there if u want to live with her.. If u do.. she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband..

STAGE 4

If not... then starts the drama.. she is not willing to come back to u and makes wierd and vague conditions which she has never done before while u were in love or just married.. she and her family will force u to submit all ur financila documents etc and on extreme case like mine even ask u to hand over property to her which she was never linked to before u got married..f u do.. she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband..

STAGE 5

If not.. then she will emotionally balckmail u using ur child as bait and trust me...this is the most difficult part of ur life.. she will taunt u and make u believe u r responsible for all the mess and the horrible future for ur child.. then u are forced to givre in to her and her parents demands f u do.. she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband.. ( This is the most common place where husbands give up and submit! )

STAGE 6

If not, then depending on how things are u finally have convinved urself that u have to go in for Divorce and she doesnt make it easy by putting the entire blame on u.. when she was actually responsible for it in the first place.. She will then try to use the unfair law or biased law in our country to try and thresten u eg.. 498A, DV etc... u really cant do anything in ur power cos ur actually too disgusted by everything to use an RCR.. if u crumble here and give in...she is happy and has a lifetime to MANIPULATE the husband ( but if u give in here... trust me.. Ur life is OVER! )

STAGE 7

If not.. u let time pass by.. Time is the biggest healer.. but remember u have a responsibilty towards her and most importantly ur child so while u may cut communication with her.. u MUST ensure u send a FAIR amount of money to her regularly to ensure that at any point in time ur child is never inconvenienced thru all this.. U r lucky u have never much seen ur child and nor has ur child been with u so u wont really miss each other as much and as long as u justly send the money u r ensuring that ur moral responsibility is being fulfilled.. eventually.. either she will relent and come back UNCONDITIONALLY or will agree to go in for a DIVORCE but this is the best logical end...

I am saying all this from experience.. it is for u to understand at which stage u r.. but be strong and look fwd to life..

Cheerz