Divorce to be filed

Mr. Human

How did u assume tat all I had said were unnecessary assumptions. After 10 yrs of marriage I am not mad to break it up just for the fun of it.

I know the difference between having a financial discussion and taunting your partner about thier financial dependency..............maybe you dont

What I have gone through.........only I know. I am not here for you to tell me that i am foolish and having hallucinations. I just want legal advice to get a divorce..........one where I get what i deserve............one where he does not get off with a win win situation...........as our society has made it very easy for guys.

And to tat dumbo who is talking about gender equality.............I would suggest him to open his eyes n first learn the meaning of gender equality

@ Self Service

Mona is a Indian citizen - no US work permit. Most likely she has a H4 visa ( dependent visa ) which doesnt permit one to work in US.

@Mona

1. In support of some of the points that Human has touched upon, I think he is in favor of family peace before making a decision to break the family. He, either based on his personal experience or experience with the legal system is trying to help you see thro his kalidescope of what you can expect, should you get into a legal battle. Do try to understand the wisdom - filter out what you think he doesnt understand. 

2. The legal and "non legal experts (ex-spurt)" are responding based on your post, which states and you may want to revisit, revise and re-post with accuracy :

" I got married 10 yrs ago..........it was a love marriage. I am a muslim and he is a hindu. We got married by VHP where i was first made to change my religion n become hindu...........after tat we got our registration done. From the last 8 yrs i have been in USA with my hubby..........now m back in bombay at my parents place. 

He has been mentally torturing me because as per my visa I was not allowed to work in USA and so financially dependant on him. Also I have a 6 yr old son. My hubby has kept my son with him in USA and has not allowed me to bring him with me."

Please help.........need to know what steps to be taken. I stayed with him for 8 yrs in USA and took care of the house and son...........but now i dont have my son also and I dont have a career either"

3. The above post does not indicate whether you are asking for divorce or you are asking for a protective order ( to protect from financial abuse ) or you are asking for child custody and visitation pending a divorce proceedings. Your post has nothing to do with "498/DV" - keep law aside - be clear on what you want for the legal proffessionals to respond.

4. Getting agitated and reacting is not going to help ( you) - you will only end up as an instrument of public entertainment like U(tpala). Separate the grain from the chaff as your get feedback- the pros and cons are all in black and white. Nothing wrong with Utpala or the entertainment she provides, BTW.There is a value and role of such characters also in daily life.

5. If the immidiate need is to "get the child", then the first thing you would need is to start a family law case in US, where the child resides. You may lose 100% custody and 100% visitation if you make any wrong moves. 

6. Depending on which state of US the child is residing, the state may ask you to attend a family court or education classes before the proceedings start. This is called cooling off period. During the cooling off period, you can work with your husband for a non contested divorce and split all assets 50-50 and JOINT CUSTODY. In this arrangement, you can visit the child, he can bring the child to you etc.

7. One wrong move from your end where the courts or anyone ( Child Welfare Agency, Police, Court, your husband, your neighbors dog, me incl ) feels that there is a potential for International Parental Kidnapping, then under the Federal Act USC TITLE 18 ,  PART I , CHAPTER 55  § 1204, you could lose the child. 

8. Since you have already exited the country ( USA), there is a potential that your name be enterered in the "watch list" of potential child abductors and you could be denied entry into US. You can be deported back. 

Mona sister, sit back, think what you want. Think what is in the best interest of the child. You dont have a job and after living so many years in India, working menial jobs and bhaga-daudi will be tough on you. Think how much cash you have at hand ? Think how much cash your husband has - divide that by 2. Now, divide the same number by 0. You probably dont know how much stocks, cash, 401,IRA,Social Security, Checking, Saving all these financial account have in them - there is no way a desi Advocate can subpoena all the US bank info. 

Just keep one thing in mind - if by your wrong moves, you lose child custody or declared as the Non Custodial Parent, then automatically US courts will slap Child Support on you - US court will force you to find work. Court will force you to prove that you are making 5 attempts each week to look for work. The child support clock, once it starts in US - then even Allah cannot save you. If you disobey, contempt of court will attract severe penalties and then, my sister, it is QUICK SAND.  Even if you are handicapped, Courts will force you to earn and pay child support.  

Thx for your reply Mr. Adam

First of all I have no idea wat is 498/DV.............other then tat it is some law pertaining to divorce.

I want to dissolve my marriage but at the same time I dont want an unsafe future where I have to depend back on my dad who is now retired. Also I want my son with me..........though I am in two minds about that. Reason being his future in America will be much better.

I have started some courses over here which should get me a job. But that will be peanuts as I have no experience. 

According to you I should be filing my case in US and should it be mutual consent divorce. Can I still ask for child custody and alimony.

My hubby shows his residence in South carolina but is currently staying in company's apartment in Pennsylvania. He will most probably shift in this year to Pennsylvania and leave the residence in SC

@ Mona

1. What is 498 - you have no idea. I have no idea. Dont bother to know what this is. Doesnt apply to you. Education helps though.

2. You have decided to dissolve marriage - ie divorce. You are considering mutual consent divorce assuming that husband will co-operate. Even if he doesnt co-operate, dont worry. US laws and system are very smooth. 

3. You claim tha you have started some courses- Good. Courts want to know that the parent is "gainfully engaged". If you can get a job which shows peanuts, it will work in your favor. Ideal situation - you are studying and working. Courts will look at you favorably and sympathetically. You will need proof of admission for these courses and pay stubs from your Indian employer. 

4. Child Custody and alimony. Yes, you can ask for both. Court will ask both parties to fill in income and expense declaration forms. It is a government calculator and there is no room for hera-pheri. He cannot show less pay. ( but you can - you are in India after all ). Court will also split any and ALL property, cash acquired from the date of marriage till the date of separation.  

5. Respondents residence - PA or SC  ? The place where the parties resided for more than 6 months becomes the jurisdiction. Laws of PA and SC are totally different for divorce matters. Choose one state ( if you need further help from me) . I will get the State forms and send to you to initiate the case. From your post it appears that he has been in PA and will continue in PA.

Based on your response, I may consider sending you a draf stipulation and court forms to fill and time permitting, other advice to save you money from the legal system.  Hopefully, the good samaritans will picth in and provide oversight to your petition , now that is is clear to the LCI audience that you are not out bash your husband and doing all this in the interest of the child. 

HTH

Adam

Dear Mona,

There was no reason for you to respond harshly.

No worries ........ all I am saying that I now understand your objectives as:

1. Separation

2. Secure future

3. Child custody (though in Double Mind).

If above are your objectives, you will get the best advise and solution from only 2 people:

1. Your Husband

2. Yourself

It is best that you discuss with your Husband and work towards a mutual divorce. Ask for his help to get you employed in US itself and get a joint custody of child while both of you get separated. Your Husband will be more than happy to search for a job for you as he will see this with maturity (both of you showed immense maturity while getting married with different religion also being looked at out of maturity in love). So he works in US, you work in US, kid stays with both (jointly and hence better parenting THAN SINGLE parenting issues and effects on the Child's upbringing) and does not end up being teased in the society because of his parents's bitter legal fights.

All I am requesting you to understand that everyone here and around will only enjoy your and his situations so you are seeking a legal advise when you dont need it.

Where is all your previous maturity gone? Same applies to your husband too.

Both of you can mutually decide on future course of action and trust me, it would be the "BEST" solution for all 3 of you (as you say that reconsiliation is absolutely impossible). If discussed properly and maturely, you will note that your husband will not run away from his responsibility towards the kid as you, as expected.

My best wishes to you for a great future without getting into legal fights which will otherwise eat away both your and his lives and while both of you had a great childhood, I am sorry to say, but both of you will be devoiding the same great and peaceful childhood to your child.

"And to tat dumbo who is talking about gender equality"

- A person who can respond to a reasonably wise post with this rudeness, any one can guess who would have been  "actually" mentally harassed in her married life.

"I just want divorce, nothing else, other than : 

i). A secure future with lots of (husband's) money

ii). My child 

iii). My husband's house.

iv). Everything else. 

:) "

Anyway, as others have already said, your best bet (if you don't want to become prey of greedy lawyers who would make you run from post to pillar for years, sucking all of your remaining money, for no fruitful result - other than mutual consent at the "end") would be to take mutually consented divorce at the beginning itself, and avoid the "dirty games" of a series of criminal and civil cases from both sides, on both sides. 

These days, US even has the facility ONLINE DIVORCE! Very easy !! :) ... So cheap and convenient. No wonder, it has 51% of divorce rate :). 

@Amit ..... (s)

Read all of Mona's posts, then read the full section of 498a properly. Then, probably you should be able to figure what wrong did Nadeem Qureshi do. 

Mona please gives one more chance to your husband. Try one more time to save your 8+ years marriage

Yes Mona, 

So decide your objective, 

What  do you want in Life?? 

Maintenance for you?

Custody of child?

Divorce?  & live alone, or remarry? 

Legal separation? 

Want to live happily with your hussy & child?? 

Spell out, and let’s see, what we can do about it to see that u r happy. 

Mona, be free & open, transparency is essential to solve these delicate problems. you may send confidential detail to my E Mail adv.shroff@yahoo.in or call 9892432152 , I m Bombay  bases Advocate, and your  petition can be filed in Mumbai, Bandra family court as you are  residing here at present .

Adv Shroff

31-01-2012

what is the visa status of your husband?

what is/was your visa status ?

Did you made any police complaints while living or before leaving US?

answer me these questions and we will pick up from there.

I am agreed with Mr. Amit, please clarify whether the lady's parents not instigating her to be separated from hus band,bcoz now its a common phenomena from bride parent side to separate their daughter from first marriage by poking nose in her marriage life.Generally the mother of the brides are main schemer. Marriage is a special knot betwen two souls; when both the hearts can solve their own problem then generally seemed that the parents of bride side instigate their daughter to ignite nonpeace activity in her family.Whatever action should be taken must be in cool mind and not to be instigated/inspired by anyone whether they are parents of either side.