Krishna Kumar (Manager) 06 April 2012

Need help with 498a and divorce

First of all, apologies for a long post. Hope to get some help

We were married in May 2008. She is from Blore and me from Chennai. Her dad passed away some 14 years ago. She moved to Chennai after marriage. In March 2010, she left for delivery of our son from Chennai to her mother's place in Bangalore. Our son was born in April 2010. Her mom was living with my wife's sisters with my wife's dad's brothers and their family in a large house. After our son was born, my mother in law had a dispute regarding property and moved out of the ancestral home and took a place on rent. I got a job in Bangalore so I moved there in May 2010 and took a house on rent a few streets away from her mother's new rented place. My wife and I had continuous fights after the birth of our son. She was at her mom's place after our son was born.She would say she will come after some time as she was finding it difficult to handle the baby by herself. I was living by myself. She would come live with me for a few days and then go back to her mom's place. One time she asked for all her jewels in the bank locker to be returned to her. I did that within the next few days. I had taken some money from her during the course of our marriage for living expenses as she was also earning. She asked for that money to be returned to her. Although the amount that I owed her came to only about Rs. 25,000, I gave her Rs. 1.5 lakhs. While giving the cheque, I took a typed statement signed by her stating that she has received Rs. 1.5 lakhs from me and I do not owe any more money to her. I put the cheque number and issuing bank in the statement. A few weeks later she said she has decided to separate from me and asked for some other stuff belonging to her in my house to be returned to her. When I went to her mother's place to return these items, I took another statment, handwritten by her and signed by her stating that all her gold, silver and precious items have been returned to her. I also made her mention in the handwritten statement that me or my family have not demanded any dowry from her or her family, AND that no dowry was given by her or her family to me or my family. I have both statements in original. This was between May to July 2011.

1) I came across 498A while reading about divorce and I suddenly got worried. Do I have to be concerned? Should I keep a copy of those signed statements in my wallet at all times?

In Aug 2011, she asked me to meet with a lawyer for divorce by mutual consent. I went and she came too. The lawyer convinced us to give the marriage one more chance and I agreed reluctanly, although knowing she would leave me again. And just as I thought, we were not in talking terms by Nov 2011. Meanwhile, her mother bought a property with the settlement money she got from her in laws, and my wife took the kid and went with her mom to the new house they purchased. I know the house, but I dont know the address. Since I felt the marriage was not working and had I went to the same lawyer and told him that he is responsible for the mess I am in, had he not counseled us to give the marriage another try, I would have obtained the divorce by now. He agreed to help and he tried to contact her to get her address but she didnt answer. I gave him a copy of our marriage certificate in which her old address [where she and her mom were living with her uncles at the time of marriage] was mentioned. Her uncles are still there now. He told me that he has sent the notice to her asking her to come down for divorce by mutual consent or he will forced to file a petition. I called him a few days back to see if he heard anything, but he said he has not received the acknowledgment for registered post sent, so lets wait a few more days. Earlier he told me that he can send the notice to her place of work, but I told him that I didnt want her employer to know about this, so I asked him to send it to the old house. I know her mobile number and her mother's mobile number.

2) I dont think that this marriage will work anymore. I want to go ahead with a divorce. What are my choices?

3) If I hire a new lawyer, what would it cost?

4) Knowing her, any of these could happen a) She'll agree for divorce by mutual consent now and withdraw later b) She'll agree for divorce by mutual consent now and after the six month waiting period also and we could be divorced c) She will totally ignore the first notice and the subsequent petitions sent to her d) She will fight tooth and nail in response to the petition. So, what is the quickest and painless method, if there is one?

Sincere thanks [I truly mean it] for your time.

Regards,

Krishna Kumar.

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5 Replies

(Guest)

Dear Krishna

Pls write in short. LCI advisers are mostly advocate.They have short time. Don't mind and ask your problem in short.

1 Like

vijay pathak (President) 06 April 2012

hi, i guess u are un necessarily panicking....when nothing drastic has happened so far. Relax......Now answering your questions one by one:

1) I came across 498A while reading about divorce and I suddenly got worried. Do I have to be concerned? Should I keep a copy of those signed statements in my wallet at all times?

Right now, you dont need to be comcerned. Your wife silence does not mean that she is pondering over to drown you into legal complications. It is a good thing that you acted intelligently and got the statements signed by her with you..but that does not mean you should carry the same all the time. You have had a good defence prepared..rest assured.

2)I dont think that this marriage will work anymore. I want to go ahead with a divorce. What are my choices?

Talking about the choices, well so long the new amendments in divorce law recognizing irretrievable breakdown of marriage is not on the cards, the only option lies with you is the divorce petition filed under section 13 of Hindu Marriage Act. I would recommend you to read the said Act. But i would not advise you to go through the same as it would open the pandora of snakes and has the capacity to entwine and entangle you in the murky crap of Indian laws which are more favorable to the females than the males...with the possibilty of loads of litigation that could make the person always stand inside the courts only. Moreover, the indian leagal system does not favor to grant divorce to the man especially when the same isfiled on the grounds like cruelty, adultery etc. i would recommend you to just lie low and let the things unfold unto themselves.

3) If I hire a new lawyer, what would it cost?

It all depends on the quality of the lawyer and your pocket. No fixed criteria.

well, you answered all the questions you asked in the last question....it so happens that we know the answers already but still ask the question with the hope to find some thing new, better and positive....Anyways,the quickest and painless method is just to wait patiently ..let her come back for the divorce coz the best way to get the divorce is through mutual consent only....and i would advise you to not to send anymore notices...it could go against you.

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SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT) 07 April 2012

Dear Mr.Krishna,

I feel you are blowing out your problem out of proportions.After going through your lengthy query,I really did not find any valid substance for divorce.DIVORCE IS A WORD COMMONLY USED BY MANY THAN THEWORD MARRIAGE.

1 Like

Krishna Kumar (Manager) 07 April 2012

Mr. Prajapati, Mr. Pathak, Mr. Devalla, thank you for your responses:

I admit that there may not be much grounds for divorce, except perhaps divorce under mutual consent.

Well, I left out a few details because my post was already too long. I will provide them here. Hope you can read it patiently like before.

After moving to Bangalore, observing that she is finding it comfortable to be close to her mom's place, I purchased a flat in the same locality, but after the settlement my mother in law got, they moved to some other place. Since, I was staying separately, I travelled that far to see my wife and kid almost daily, but things went bad again Nov 2011. I would get no respect when I go to their house. Everyone would go about their business and I would sit alone in the living room. My wife would not responsd courteously. I called her after the last break up in Nov 2011, I called her in hopes of patching up, but she refused. My parents came down from Chennai in Feb 2012 to talk to her, but she left. My dad came again in 1st week of March 2012, again she refused and my dad also told us that he was not treated with respect. He wasnt even invited in. But not willing to give up, my mom came again last week and again she refused to come.

Every human on earth wishes to progress and evolve in both personal and professional lives. My professional life is fine, but I got married in 2008 and this is 2012, when I look back, what do I have? Isnt it a waste of 4 years? I am pretty sure she is just buying time because the kid is just 2 years old and she still cant handle the kid on her own. I am guessing maybe a year or two later, she would contact me, by offering a meaningless apology and offer to start living together again. Would it be worthwhile to accept and move on at that point of time? After 6 years of marriage? I havent seen my son in 5 months and would miss the rest of his exciting pranks and antics. Is it worthwhile to live with a lady who has such intentions in mind? I have changed 3 houses already first because she refused to come and I found that I was wasting money on a 2 bed house, and neighbors kept asking where my wife is, so I went to a shared accomodation. From there I was hoping to move to the new flat when construction was set to be complete in Jan 2012, and I told my room mates and neighbors that I would be vacating by Jan 2012 and going to the new flat. Then now recently I have moved to a 1 bed and let out brand new flat on rent [because again such a big flat is unnecessary for 1 person and again there would be questions from other flat owners where my wife and kid are. Are you able to understand the amount of time, energy and money, I have been wasting so far?

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT) 07 April 2012

Dear Krishna,

The villians of this entire episode are your inlaws.May be she is too closely attached to them.Sometimes psychology plays a big part in human relations.Still I feel your matrimonial life is not that grave.Kindly engage relatives from both the sides for a amicable patchup.Getting seperated is easy,but it will haunt our lives throughout.