indira (abc) 28 September 2011

A distress woman

I am lady of 31 years from Mumbai married in Jan 2008.The marriage got fixed within 2 months but couldnt get much info about his character.

During the initial 2 months of wedding a friend(say B) who was also a colleague from 2002-2006 was always in touch with him to the extent that she used to call at night also. My husband is doctor but said that he has a clinic which my parents had seen .But soon after marriage he gave the clinic on rent and started searching for job elsewhere and said that this friend is helping him start another clinic in area close to her home where he can get more patients.

Before marriage when asked whether he had girlfriend he said he liked n proposed to a girl(say C) but she said no and that's it.

Through these 2 months his family's behavior towards me was very bad n i was made to slog to do household work coz of which i got spondylitis .

During this phase i also came to know that he had one more elder brother who was married and now the couple are dead .but i couldnt come to know about what was the reason.

During this time since his clinic was given on rent some papers and things were brought at home and one day i happened to come across a letter and a photo of a girl (say A).

The letter was frm abroad.This girl was a nurse and they had affair in 2003-2004 in Mumbai.In mid 2004 she left India for job there and the letter was from her from abroad posted at my husband's friend's address. From the letter I could make out that they had physical relation also which she misses being there.

When I asked my husband about it he said this letter was for his friend but his name was taken and he completely denied. I aslo kept quiet but since he tore letter n photo I didnt have any proof.The proofs were shown to his family by me before my husband tore it. but they also believed him.

After a month (ie 3 months after wedding) I went to my parents home with most of my stuffs as my husband said that they are harassing you and i cant see u in tears and give me some time and we will stay separate.But his plan was that if i stayed at his house for 3 months n cud find some secrets abt his fmly n himself then if i stay long then what all cud i find. So it was out of fear.

For 5 months till mid Sept I stayed at my mom's place.During this time he used to visit me once in a week.The friend's (B) office ws near my mom's place so he used to visit her mainly n then come to me. I didnt like that girl as i had just seen her once at my husband's house 3 days after wedding she came with a gift.She didnt attend the wedding although she came in baraat and left from out saying my husband's fmly that she is getting late and cant stay back,so she didnt meet me at reception.

I knew her number now stored with her name so later my husband stored her number in some other name but one day when he came to my mom's place to visit me i saw many times that number dialled n i called back to find and it was her voice.i scolded her and she said that my husband has taken some loan frm her and she calls for that.

I scolded my husband a lot n didnt talk for few days.

I remembered that when i left my in laws place i had taken with me some negatives which i had got while searching his unwanted stuffs from clinic.On getting it printed i saw that it ws snaps of my husband and the first girl(A) who went to abroad,they had gone to Aurangabad ,ajanta ellora fort .

I sent one copy to his home address n called him to answer now.

He said it was mistake and after she came from abroad she married someone in her religion (she was Catholic) in 2005 and then onwards he changed his cell number not to remain in contact anymore.

Friends relatives and my family said that you shud forgive him because it was past .I suffered a lot physically i became more weak with just crying all day.At my mom's place my brother and 2 young sisters were also fed up and said if u stay here after taking divorce than how will we get married ,the socail stigma attached herewith

In mid sept 2008 we took a house on rent in the same area as my mom's and he said that he hasnt told his family abt it .According to his family he stays in some hospital and works in mumbai but doesnt come home and i stay with my parents!!!!!!!!!

The girl (B) kept calling and because of her there were constant fights.He said he works somewhere else but was caught at her office.On inquiring he said i came for some patient referrals as she was a counseller in some HIV field. She was also engaged before my marriage but her engagement was broken by her as because of my husband's help she came to know that his fiance's degrees were fake.I dont know whether this was purposely done to show her family that the guy wasnt good for her.

I called her once to stay away from my husband so she said that why would she have an affair and that she knows about the girl(A)who went abroad.

I thought that yes how would she have affair with the guy knowing that he had affair previously but that thought was my mistake!

My husband said that since she had his passport with her and she wanted some of her documents which was with him they were talking to each other .I doubted that it could be some dirty photos etc n love letters to be the worst thing of all. He said after december 2008 they werent in contact and i kept a check constantly .I still dont know whether they r in contact or no maybe he is playing safe this time

Somewhere in November 2008 i caught my husband reading mail of the girl(C) colleague in the same organisation as the girl (B) duration 2005-2006.when i saw he said that he had told me that he had only proposed n nothing else still I told him to delete any such mails as to not to get any proofs later and have fight but he said that he has kept them so as to have proof that they should not malign his name since she wasnt still married .I strictly told him to delete so he just deleted few mails but i didnt know that the worst was yet to come.

I just assumed that he had 3 affairs but since i had proof of only one i always thought it may or may not be!!!!!!!!

All these 3 years(from sept 2008-sept 2011) there were constant fights because of his family's calls purposely at night time and time when they know he is with me.he still maintained that they dont know that he stays with me but i had doubt that they do know.there was no sign of any new affair.He used to even beat me and call my parents home and tell that take your daughter away or he wud leave house and come after 3-4 days .

He said that he is not in talking terms with one of his brothers who almost s*xually abused me many times and also with one of his NRI brother on his family issue(the elder brother didnt attend our wedding also)

But to my horror on a month ago i caught him reading his bro's mail and he said it was casual mail not conversation.I thought to check his mail thru mobile code which was easy to find.His fmly pple used to call frm different mobile numbers and when i would ask him he would say it was wrong number. On this same day i got his password and read some mails of his brother and came to know that they had started some business together.I thought to go deep in it and then only ask ,simultaneously he was calling a wrong call and when i asked he said someone is bothering .I immediately called that number and said "who is calling so many times".He knew it was his family person's number he took the cell phone and heard it was his mother's voice

He started beating me so much that i was shivering and shaking.I said that u told its a blank /wrong call and i was helping you.If it was your mothers number then you should have told before calling but he waned to lie .He is a big liar.He called my parents and left the house taking his personal things.

That night since i had cracked password i went through all mail and found love mails and his nude snaps of both girls(B and C) etc

since then i havent spoken to him and sent this pics to his family members to show how he his.

Why did he not delete all this in december 2008 itself so as to not get caught by me. His family liked both the girls and their family too. Then why he didnt marry either of them.

There wasnt even any pressure from family in marrying me in fact he saw my snap on matrimonial site and followed us personally as his father had expired and he was the head of family ,mother being illiterate and orthodox.

He says that i should not interfere in his personal things.and that he will lie to me and if he gets caught i shouldnt say anything if i want to stay with him.And that men are men and they are pure even if they have 100s of affairs

I still dont know whether they are in touch still or no.

we had filed for australian visa in 2009 end and probably in January 2012 visa may arrive.

What even if he agress for mutual consent and doesnt turn up after 1 year of seperation then i wont b able to file for divorce as he wont b in India.

My query is can I contest for divorce reason being infidelity as the girl's (B) affair was going on in 2008 even after wedding but as he says it ended in dec 2008 after around 3 years can i file the case as infidelity.

Will he be able to get the visa although if divorce process is on.In how much time can i get divorce if i file it soon.What are expenses as my family has their own problem and they cant support me and as my 2 sisters are still unmarried.I am a teacher and earn quite less as wrk only part time due to my spondylitis problem in may 2008 at my in laws place.

If he becomes mean as to not be problem in his visa (as that is his dream) and if he agrees for mutual consent divorce then can we get it before he leaves it can be even March -April 2012 coz Jan is just tentative.

We dont have kids yet.

Can we just remain separate even if he isnt ready for any divorce and he can marry in Australia and later on if i marry here in India and none of us put case on each other and forget each other.will our second wedding be considered legal if we have marriage certificate.

Or if we just sign an affidavit that we will not have any interference in each other's lives then that will be equal to divorce.

This time even my fmly is shattered but they are only behind me. My dad is against divorce as he says that my mom and bro had fixed the marriage (because he wasnt getting good guy) and i was already 28 and before i get married my brother would not and he was already 30.My dad also fears society and that still 2 sisters are to be married.

My husband is at his home from a month now till date.and there is no communication between us.

Reply soon

sorry for such long mail

A distress lady

Reply Follow

21 Replies

Sameer12345 (SSE) 28 September 2011

As far as second marriage is concern, You MUST need to get a Divorce Degree from Court. Otherwise Second Marriage will be Null and Void.

(Guest)

VERY SAD STORY SISTER.

Democratic Indian (n/a) 28 September 2011

A husband who beats his wife and gives these kind of mental and phyisical tortures, his due and honourable place is in jail under 498A IPC. Quietly contact some women's organisation that has advocates or some honest and good advocate dealing in criminal cases, they will guide you how to ensure he is in jail for his violent and torturous behaviour and you get a divorce. As far as the question of society is concerned, remember the saying "Duniya ko laat maro, duniya salaam kare"

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 29 September 2011

I am sorry, I have not impressed with your long narration. If you are harassed, you also harassed your husband more. By your descripttion, it shows whether your husband is adulterous or not, but very accommodative in nature. That is why, even though you left matrimonial home, he paid visits to your home and later on took a separate home, even lying to his parents that he was staying in hospital. Whether he is adulterous or not, but he allowed you to have free access to his phone, mails and other materials. A person, who has secrets to bury, will not take such risks.

Any how, now, I will answer your legal questions, point wise:

In the preface, I say that s*xual relationship with any friend other than his, with her consent before the marriage, is not illegal and cannot be a ground for divorce. So, his relationship with "A" may be, in the eyes of some people, immoral, but not illegal in the eyes of law. You will not get any relief on this account. You cannot bring it into the purview of "cruelty" for getting divorce. Next, his relationship with "B". For getting divorce on this ground, you have to show that "he has done s*xual intercourse" after marriage. Just showing nude photo graphs or love letters without actually proving s*xual intercourse does not get you divorce decree. Finally, for getting divorce decree, you can attempt that you have been treated cruelly. If you can prove that he has physically beaten you or caused mental cruelty, then there are chances for getting divorce decree. Your mere suspicions about his extra-marital affairs and his business relationship with his brother do not constitute mental cruelty. Now, search for convincing grounds for getting divorce decree.

Now, point wise reply:

Time is no bar. You can file it after three years. The difficulty is to prove the "s*xual intercourse with B after marriage".

There will be no legal hurdle to obtain visa during the pendency of divorce case. You can file it soon. Once he receives court notice and later on he leaves for Australia and remains absent in court, you can get ex-parte divorce decree. If he is earning good amount and you are not earning handsomely, the court will grant you litigation expenses as well as maintenance during the pendency of the divorce case.

If agrees for mutual (by your narration, I guess, he will agree), move petition right now and get divorce decree exactly after six months from the date of filing the petition. But for getting it, his presence is also required after six months.

We dont have kids yet.

Neither he nor you can marry without having a valid divorce decree granted by the competent court. Second marriage is not only illegal but also offence.

Or if we just sign an affidavit that we will not have any interference in each other's lives then that will be equal to divorce.

NO.

There is no solution for this in law.

My husband is at his home from a month now till date.and there is no communication between us.

If you want divorce, you initiate dialogue for mutual consent divorce and he will be happy to give you divorce.

Sorry for the hurt I caused to you by frank legal advice.

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA) 29 September 2011

I concur completely with Adv Chandu,

Just want to ,one more thing. When things are not working out, better get out amicably, rather than bickering.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

indira (abc) 30 September 2011

thankyou Adv.Chanduji for the information.

But he had kept all the secrets buried with him .It happened due to my wit that i cud get all the information through cracking the code.

Secondly by taking sepaerate house on rent to stay it was he who got benefitted coz he didnt want that i should know more secrets abt him n his family as later came to know that his elder dead bro who he claimed that died unmarried was married and had kid.Later I have also heard that his bhabhi was killed by his family.

Since i never bothered to find out the truth i thought it was none of my business to know but later i thought i should have found all these to know more abt what type of fmly this is.They are all bad guys and all are womanisers.they have no fmly reputation later on all this was found but it ws too late.

Sir also i have read i other threads that there is mandatory 1 year seperation period b4 we file for Mutual consent 1st motion?Or in my case can that be waived off.pls tell me

so if he agrees now for it and within 1 yr he will definately fly abroad and then he doesnt cum back after 1 yr what will i do ?

I will also lose the option of filing divorce then i guess as i wont b able to locate him we wait for

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 30 September 2011

If he accepts for mutual consent, then you both can put on petition that you both are living separately for the last one year at the time of filing the petition. Yes, one year separation is mandatory and that will not be problem in your case.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 30 September 2011

indira (abc) 30 September 2011

Adv Chanduji,

You mean to say that although it has been not even a month that he left me and went to his home we should say that we are staying seperately frm past 1 year?

r there inquiries held frm court to find so?

As i am trying to gain courage to do all this pple around me are pressurizing for reconciliation with him with strict warning this time to him.

My fmly says mayb if u both go abroad things will b better as evrything n evry1 wil b left here,but i m scared as anything happens there whom wil i approach there .atleast here i have fmly friends relatives etc

But i m scared of my life now if god forbidden next time he does worst 2 the extent that something bad happens to me i wud b left phsically weak then i vl have no option left.

He promises evrtyime that he wud nt raise hand but he does worse than b4 n says that i provoked him 2 do so.

sometimes i m even thinking to commit suicide so that all the problem is solved.

As i said i m left alone to fight and i have grown weak as didnt eat properly with so much tension.

I am forced to think to consider my decision yet.

I and my family havent yet spoken to him.

Mayb in a day or so we will.

never in my life hav i cum to this juncture where an educated person like me has gone blank n numb.

I pray to god that no 1 ever should come 2 situation like mine.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 30 September 2011

If you both would say in the mutual consent petition thaat you both are living separately for the last one year, the court will not enquire.

1 Like

indira (abc) 30 September 2011

hello sir

One more thing

I m really scared as he is smart enough and in these days if he must have done something against me understanding that this time i may file for divorce or police complaint etc

In the past he has said that he knows much abt law(as a doc he was on some panel once he told me) and he knows how to make my case weak if ever i put case on him(v talked abt this last yr when he had beaten me ,but i had to compromise) and also that i cannot put his family members' name coz i stayed there only for 3 months and now frm past 3 and half years i havent even seen them.

But they r definitely aware that i stay with my husband coz he used to b with me during all festivals and wich fmly wud not call their child home on festivals and that staying in same city anybody wud go home and not stay in hospital.

Of course secretly he wud b meeting them almost evryday as he works 15 minutes away frm his home.

This is all drama for me but i also know it n still believed him that he has hidden this fact of us staying together.

So these were his reasons to take home seperate and not out of love for me.

May b all these(divorce case n DV case etc) must have happened with his bro n bhabhi in past so he was playing safe this time.

I feel in this kalyug there is victory of evil over good and not vice-versa

indira (abc) 30 September 2011

thanku very much Chandusir

indira (abc) 30 September 2011

also tell me in case of compromise as i mentioned in that same thread that if i m forced to then what is to be done to protect myself this time.

Any written thing to b taken frm him or any such thing

But actually i m sure that he is a dog's tail and it can never bcum straight

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA) 30 September 2011

Trust your lawyer and court to protect you from any forced signature.

Mutual Consent divorce would also require you to give statement in court, where you can refuse, if you have been tricked into signing something which you don't agree to.

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com