Schrizophrenic wife


Hi LCI,

I am 26 yrs IT consultant from Mumbai & the elder son of my family, beng a successfull boy at early age (started working from 18)my marriage was a big thing for everyone in my family. My cousins sister's in laws found a match for me from there town. It was all good,  marriage was a big affair  & i planned for honeymoon in shimla & manali in snow to have lifetime memories. But that was it all the happiness in my marriage which is going to be 1 year old now.

I got married in Feb2011, after 15 days of marriage & coming back from honeymoon my wife got hallucinations and tried to kill her by hanging on fan and talking of fear of life. we have consulted doctor who suggested to visit psychiatrist.

For information purpose my mother is also got Schrizophrenia 4yrs back (at the age of 41) so we have shown it to one of the reputed psychiatrist who is treating on mother too concluded it as a case of schrizophenia for my wife, at that time she has to be given shock treatment and 20 days of hospitalization. It was big shock for us and me and my father decided to co-operate in the situation instead of making it worse.

In one of the followup treatment doctor reduced her depresssion tablets. Her problem of hallucination was solved but due to having so much pills she can not work so it resulted in another attempt to kill herself by cutting knife and another attempt to burn.  Due to attempt to burn her leg was burnt and due to such attack she had to admit in hospital again. Doctor had given her shock treatement followed by schrizophrenia and depression tabletss.

Now since last 4 months she is at her fathers home and being treated there for burns. During this time period we did not informed to any of our relatives as we were thinking after medication she will be fine and informing to relatives would create a chaos which would hamper her treatement. But one of her uncle without undestanding anything tried to defame us in her and our relatives. Due to which all people got jumped into this, after debate and brainstorming there are suggestions too

1. Leave her and file for divorce as if something happens to her life in future my in laws would blame it on us (as one of the uncle did ) which in turn can cause unnecessary legal dispute and much losses for no fault.

2. Make a affidavite with all the happenings and mentioning that if something happens to her life in future we would be not responsible to it. But according to doctor such affidavite can not be made and looks bad in the eyes of law.

Now i know that she will be lifelong treated for her disease and missing few days tablets will have all the scenes repeated. I also know that she can not be normal and live normal. For next 2-3 years i can not have kids. If do there are chances to pass on this disease to them.


Still i want to give her 1 more chance to come to life as giving her divorce will ruin her life completly. But giving chance to her does not mean if something happens to her life due to her own actions should result in trouble for all of my family.

Due to all of the above i too got depression and visited a psyachatriatst who refused to give me any tablets initially but later gave me some  and suggested me to not to take her back home as this is going to be continued lifelong and you have done as much possible as you can. As well it is costing in your personal health.

We have all of her medical records after the marriage but do not have any records for any treatement done before marriage. Her father acccepted in person in front of me and one of doctor who was treating her that she was being treated for  such disease before but they do not have any records of it now.

Two months before marriage i had purchased home in Mumbai (on my own earning + help from father + loan) and soon i got married in two months (this was done in hurry). Due to changing rules from RBI and home loans i am already suffering form financital crisis. I do not want to build another reason for crisis by paying hefty money required for divorce.

Request the all members to suggest me how i should proceed on this matter without taking much risks or should i proceed directly for the divorce. In case of divorce i was reading on forum that marriage has to be 1 year old and both partners should be staying away for 6months. Already its 4months for us to be staying separated.

After all of this my love in marriage has ended & i am tilted towards having divorce but thinking of her after divorce my heart mellows and i do not get courage to do so. But at the same time i do not want all of this for lifelong with so much of risk and side-effects.

Thanking you.


 

 
 

 
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Santosh I can understand your mental trauma but also appreciate that you want to give her another chance.

I presume u r a Hindu & covered under Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. Though Schrizophrenia is one of the grounds for divorce but u have to prove it in Court. Even if u succeed in getting the divorce Court may ask u to pay ur wife lumpsum or periodical maintenance. U can even be asked to pay her litgation expense (including her lawyer fees) even during divorce proceeding.

U have mentioned period of minimum six months after one year marriage period. This is the case of divorce with mutual consent. In your case it is in applicable. Though u have to wait for one year to lapse after marriage but it is not sure that u will get divorce after next six months. Court will decide on facts of the case.

U need not worry about allegations of Uncle or others. U will not be punished for any act that u have not done....Any one who makes allegations have to prove them and you have right to defend yourself in court. Dont let negative thoughts into your mind and concentrate on treatment of your wife.

If any member of family gets any disease, to throw that person out of family for no fault of that person is not a ethical and wise solution. 

Hope ur wife gets well soon. Wish u a happy married life.....


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However, santosh If u really want to get out of this marriage than check with your lawyer if you can apply for nullity of marriage under Section 12 of Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.


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LEGAL CONSULTANT

 

Dear Sir,
 
I am really sorry for what happened to you. Kindly feel free to speak to me and get proper legal advice on phone.
 
S.JEEVAGAN, M.A.,LL.M.,
Advocate & Legal Consultant.
Madurai.
 
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Lawyer

whats the state of communication between you and your wife and her family during this period of seperation what does her parents say about the issue and are the communications and relations stained due to this happening? as if the communications are open then it would be wise to talk with them through family about the next course if you want seperation.

Legal way for seperation is not easy and time consuming and if the other side feel offended by your actions of applying for divorce then they might launch cases against you so whatever way you decide try that through personal talks with them and there is no harm in giving it a try before going for seperation.


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Worker

Suffering from schizophrenia as a sound ground for a decree of nullity. Whether the disease is curable or not does not make any difference. Where in due course the disease is cured, it would not affect the question of validity of marriage.-Tulsi Bai v. Manoharan 1990 (1)HLR 318


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Dear Mr. Santosh,

Your marriage can be declared null & void easily but  the condition of your wife will certainly further detoriate. Understanding that you are a sensitive person this may cause mental sufferings to you in future leading to guilt feeling & depression.

You are not in an ideal situation but there are some lights

1) schizophrenia is cureable/arrestable.My next brother had schizophrenia before 25 years. After few years of treatment he became partially alright & we arranged his marriage after disclosing the fact to the bride who had agreed to marry him. I am blessed to declare that my brother has completely been cured now because his wife ferociously took care of his taking medicine regularly & with her love & care he is now completely cured. Taking of medicine regularly cures/arrests schizophrenia.

2) One of my colleague at Ernakulam found his bride  having schizophrenic bout on the first night. He cried for that night & next morning felt that it is god's wish that he takes care of her. She is now the mother of two marine engineer sons though once in two to five  years gets the bouts which her sons now take care of.My colleague is happy now.

I suggest that you take her to NIMHAMS at Bangalore first which is the ideal hospital for her treatment where I had taken my brother long back.

After giving medicine ( and also her luck) a chance you can decide your further course of action.

Best of luck.

K.K.Ganguly


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Worker

thanx for sharing Ganguly Sir

 
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Dear All,

First let me thank all of you for above important guidance and i am sorry to not keep everyone posted about progress. From last 3 months i did tried to forget all of the bad  stuff and did not wanted to go over it again and again by talking it. Last month i had been in Haridwar for 10 days for vacation and 7 days residential yoga course for better preparing myself.

Now after 5 months of last burning incident my wife is in ok now (in terms of physical appearance), until now she was being treated at her parental home for leg burns treatment daily followed by schrizophrenic treatment. Two months back both sides senior members met and agreed upon to give her a last chance and give another life to marriage. Her father agreed to write down all the stuff that has happened legally in an affidavit and make my family secured before bringing her back.

I had gone to a family court lawyer which said that such affidavit will not be of any use because it will be one sided and come back to her if i am interested in divorce. Then i discussed this to my dear friends wife who is too lawyer and she also said that affidavit will not help and directed me to contact nearby womens cell where counselling of both the parties is done and recorded. I had visited womens cell which deals with womens matters. They have told me that they can not give me anything in writing but can do counselling for my wife and can not provide any securtity to me or my family but one of the social worker said that do an affidavit with  both the parties, wife, middleman noting down all the stuff and submit a copy of it to local police station for information purpose and do not do NC. The same was told by friends wife too earlier but was nullified on the unwillful claim by her parents at later stage.

Now i have following solutions to deal with the situation.
1. Take a separate house and stay separately with my wife and take her mom to stay with me for trail couple of months. This solution requires to pay deposit for home and additonal expenditure in my monthly budget. This will give security to my mother, father, brother and sister againts my wifes suicidal attempts. As of today my father is against this and suggested me to meet another lawyer.

2. Her father accepted in person with me and medical counselor that before marriage she had hallucinations and she was treated at local pshyachtrist but he does not have any record of it. But while talking with my parents and with senior members he denied having any previous knowledge of her disease. The second option would be to perform both sides affidavit mentioning that she was being treated for disease before the marriage.

3. To counsel her at womens cell.

I am trying my best to save the marriage and give her another chance but it would be not at cost of putting my mother & father in danger zone as well putting my  brothers career on risk and prospects of my younger sister to get married on fire. I am willing to put my carrer, my life, my home & home loan on risk by living with her into separate house.

At last if nothing is going to work then i am bound to apply for divorce which may or may not be mutual. As of today my father is against of it. Request you to give me correct guidance and solution on this.

Thansk,
Santosh

 
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First it has to be understood that it will be wrong to think that you are  giving her another chance. She is suffereing from schizophrenia and she is not at fault for her acts when she gets the bouts. This is very pathetic & I  have personally faced that. You are also right in saying that to show charity to her you can not zeopardise the peace & safety of your parents. If any body is to blamed then it is her father or mother or both but certainly not she. I am very glad to learn that you agree to bear her bouts provided your parents safety is ensured.

My suggestion is.

1) Collect all the papers/proofs/precriptions regarding her suffereing from schizophrenia. If possible premarriage  presciptions also.  This will give you the proof for annulment of your marriage which is last and least suggested. A certificate from her Doctor stating that she is prone to committing suicide due to the said decease without being influenced by any body will be very helpfull.  

2) Take the affidavit/written statement from her parents stating that she have had schizophrenia even before marriage & she is prone to committing suicide on receipt of the bouts without any outside influence & you are traeting her well & arranging her medical treatment.

3) Lodge a FIR (preemptory complaint ) to the nearby  Police Station complaining about her threats to commit suicide enclosing all documents including the affidavit & send copy to  S.P. It will be better if her parents also sign the complaint letter together with you.

4) All the above will cover you & your parents from any future problem should she creats any untoward incidence later on. Joint effort from your as well as her parents side is required to cure her. Talk to her parents in this regard.

5) Take her to NIMHAMS or to any good doctor. There are very good medicines introduced now a days. 

Best wishes from my side.

 

 
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