helpneed 03 February 2015

Regarding my wife after marriage - threats by her relatives

Hello Experts

I got married on 2nd Jan 2014 with my wife. For the first month, she lived ok, we went on honeymoon enjoyed well. Later when she came my mother have not allowed her to do any work since she was a newly married bride.

Her Background: She is Post graduate MBA(Not Working after Marriage on my request) and does not have a father. Hence their financial background was weak. Considering this background we thought she might be a good girl who would appreciate our family. We helped them in all the marriage celebrations. Even didnt took a single penny from them for which they also admitted it.

After sometime, she started putting her undue demands and always showed her desire to stay seperately from my parents and being ambitious and not being a housewife. She never used to listen to me and always misbehaved with me. For sometime I thought, She is taking time to adjust but later her mother also started interfering in our personal matters.

My parents talked to their elders regarding the same that things are not good, they told that we elders should ask them to calm down but nobody cooperated from their side instead they started brain washing her mind. On top of this she started threatening me that if I dont fulfull her demands she will leave home or else my family has to face the music.

3 months prior she left home without my permission and has not conveyed her address. We tried talking to her uncle, he also not co-operated. Instead he along with my wife started putting up false emails that I am doing some act of domestic violence after a period of 2 months when she left. I got afraid and reported to police stating that my wife has left and she may come up with false allegations.

I also issued a legal notice to them when after a period of 2 and half months I got her address, stating her to come to her home for which she replied with a legal notice with all false allegations and asking for maintenance of Rs50000/- per month for her stay and stated that I pushed her out from our home and I was informed which is again wrong. We dont have children and our marriage was as per religious way.

I am in a terrible mess now because she is making further allegations of molestation after a period of 2 and half months on my father and trying to bring my family into trouble. I tried talking to her that what does she needs but she is not ready to talk and not even her mother is allowing me to talk to her.

I dont know how best I could handle this situation to safeguard my family. I can further give details to help me out.

Awaiting your help.

Regards

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5 Replies

Anil Upadhyay (Lawyer) 03 February 2015

You should tackle this situation very intelligently and any wrong step can spoil your life. Clear in your mind, whether you want to patch or want to move on with Legal Aid.

Prasad (Systems Engineer) 03 February 2015

Hi There,

Please calm down. Please know that everything is going to be alright.

You are not alone.

There are thousands of husbands suffering the same from such wives every day.

Good that you complained to police station as well as sent a legal notice.

Do not worry about the contents of her notice.

Normally it will be full of lies written by her lawyer.

Please know that your wife is trying to have absolute control on you.

Your wife has done the most ugly complaint on her father-in-law to control you.

I have never heard of this.

I personally believe it is not at all possible to live with such wife.

Do you still have some love or trust with your wife?

If so, She wants to take care of her mother and hence she needs a separate accommodation.

See whether you can live separate from your parents.

Find a house and live with your wife.

Your mother in law can come and go to your accommodation.

You can go and see your parents often.

This will save your marriage.

Do not file RCR petition to get your wife back.

Your wife is after your money. So she will not leave you till she gets lot of money from you.

But as she is well qualified, she will NOT get any big maintenance amount.

But if you have lost love and trust on your wife, then plan well.

Start recording all conversations with your wife.

As one year is complete after your marriage,

try to submit Mutual Consent Divorce petition as it takes less time of 6 months to get divorce.

If she does not agree to MCD, you can now file divorce petition citing her cruelty.

Be patient. Be calm. Do not afraid of police, lawyer or her relatives.

All those people live on your fear. Never give them a chance to take you for granted.

I am repeating the below. This is based on my experience.

Please calm down. Please know that everything is going to be alright.

SuperHero (Manager) 04 February 2015

The problem is you gave lot of freedom to her and she thought in her dreams after marriage my husband will dance to my iTunes. J

There are many cases in LCI if you search for it and what others have done to come out of it.

Before Marriage and during Courtship.

1. How was her behavior and attitude?

2. Did you notice any red flags? If so post it here, so that it will be helpful for others.

After the marriage.

1. How was your s*xual and intimate life?

2. Does your wife have any brothers or sisters? Who are unemployed or studying?

3. You showed some sympathy because of their weak financial ground and now they are showing their true colors.

Future.

4. All her allegations are wounds which might take years to heal and if she apologizes then

5. Take a separate accommodation. Keep your parents away for a while and continue your marital life. A child coming into the family may change the entire show.

6. If you still Love and Trust her, everybody is different in this world. Pray to God and accept her and continue.

7. If you think your marriage has ended, then you have to be prepared to go around courts by filing court cases. Now this has become war between two families and many people will be thinking how to take advantage. Start collecting evidences and record all the conversations.

8. MCD is the best in which both are free after 6 months. As she demanded 50000 Rs/- for maintenance she might ask 50 Lakhs J as one time lump sum amount.

You can bargain with them and get the freedom.

9. If not your precious time, money and energy will be lost.

10. Remember after divorce, what do you want to do?

Maunam sarvathra sadhakam – Silence will solve all the problems. If you can maintain Silence and have Patience and Tolerance. Then they will come to your terms and conditions.

naveen (business) 04 February 2015

Hello prasad,

Ur suggestion wil also help me, I too phasing same problem from wife and in laws.

They want me to act to their tones and wann get control of me.

She never wanted husband jus a tag of married women even her parents wish is same,

it seems just to make money and spoil someones life the marriage rituals performed.

Any group is ther who r working for men suffering under in laws and wife hand and at the edge

of spoiling ther life and all happiness.

Krish_Helix (team leader) 05 February 2015

Hi ,
I am running out of an issues where i am recently married of 10 months old 2014 and it is an arrange marriage as per Hindu formalities. I have lived with my wife only 3 months and the rest of the months she was living only with her parents and they were taking her for saying all stupid reason of formalities and other religious belief. In the meanwhile, she was pregnant and the baby formation was not proper and it was advised to do Abort("ABORT") with doctors consultation and we did the procedure. Also, we have not registered the marriage so far.. we had many clash between the family since i tried making understand my inlaw that myself and my wife need to get understanding, they refused me a lot. In the begining of our marriage life, a soverign of gold has been missed out which we tried complaining in police station and they refused since they from a village not interested and post that they have taken back all the gold's and other stuff except the Kitchen items back to them without informing us. I tried many times to speak with my wife they are not allowing me to talk with her and giving me all fake reason that I have doubted in virginity by gods way we both enjoyed the love making which she has told myself, mother and my sister about some ladies things on doubts on Sexual activities how to proceed with me.They wanted me to step out of my parents and live with her daughter whereas i cannot do such things since my parents are very poor, they are asking me to send them to orphan. We guess based on this reason are they doing this kind of activites. we have tried with my family members to reach them and not allowing us to meet them. It's almost 7 months gone i have no contact with my wife and not allowing me to speak with her and they are threatining me to give some lakhs together money and other reason. I have some valid proof on this which i had a discussed with my father in law which i have not done any such kind of things..

Also, will this affect my professional career in future if this is going to be filled in family court or any other session. How to protect me in this and i need to live with my wife i know she loved me and they way me had given the same to her.

Please advise me on this .. i am from a middle class family and how to proceed this further and
either i need to live with her happily or need to come out of this in a mutual separation.

Since i know as per legal way now a days legally girls are adding value from government and like me many guys who are not doing any things facing lots of issues.

Please advise me waiting for your kind reply,