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A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

""How much does it cost for engineer brain?""

""Three dollars an ounce.""

""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""

""Four dollars an ounce.""

""How much for lawyer brain?""

""$1,000 an ounce.""

""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""

""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?""
 
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Lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, ""How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?""
""Just send an account for such advice"" replied the lawyer.
On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer
 
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Lawyer

 A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
""Can you tell me how much you charge?"", said the client.
""Of course"", the lawyer replied, ""I charge $200 to answer three questions!""
""Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?""
""Yes it is"", said the lawyer, ""And what's your third question?""
 
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Lawyer

[font=""comic sans ms""]""I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.""
""Why do you say that?""
""Listen to this from his bill: [color=dimgray]'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'[/color]."":dude:
[/font]
 
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Lawyer

Forum Moderator

[font=georgia]The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: ""I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense.""

The judge asked, ""What new evidence could you have?""

The lawyer replied, ""My client has an extra Rs,100,000, and I just found out about it!""
[/font]
 
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Lawyer

Forum Moderator

[font=""times new roman""]A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, ""if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"" The lawyer answers, ""Absolutely.""

""Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.""

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
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[color=#ffc0cb] [/color]
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.

The defense lawyer asks Sam, ""Did you see my client commit this burglary?""

""Yes,"" said Sam , ""I saw him plainly take the goods.""

The lawyer asks Sam again, ""Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?""

""Yes"" says Sam, ""I saw him do it.""

Then the lawyer asks Sam, ""Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?""

Sam says, ""I can see the moon, how far is that?""

 
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[color=orange] [/color]
[color=blue]""So let me get this straight,"" the prosecutor says to the defendant, ""you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.""[/color]

[color=blue]""That's correct,"" says the defendant.[/color]

[color=blue]""Upon which,"" continues the prosecutor, ""you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her.""[/color]

[color=blue]""That's correct,"" says the defendant.[/color]

[color=blue]""Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?"" asked the prosecutor.[/color]

[color=blue]""It seemed easier,"" replied the defendant, ""than shooting a different man every day""[/color]
 
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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

""All set back here, Captain,"" came the reply, ""except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.""

 
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[font=Arial]Bob and Joe, a couple of personal injury lawyers, were discussing conditions in the legal profession. ""How's business?"" asked Bob.
""Absolutely rotten!"" responded Joe. ""How have you been doing?"" ""Even worse,"" Bob replied. ""I just chased an ambulance twelve miles and found a LAWYER inside it.""
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