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DplyHrtSoul (PM)     30 January 2018

Is son-in-law obliged to look after his mother-in-law

I'm married for last 26 years. My mother passed away before my marriage, my dad passed away three years after my marriage. My wife looked after my dad moderately well the last two years before his death.

Now I wish to discuss about the full time care taking of my aged MIL. My wife has three brothers and five sisters all elder to her, out of which two sisters are no more. For the last 15 years my Brothers-in-law have refused to take care of my MIL and her 3rd son threw her out of her house after getting possession of house in her home town which belonged to my MIL. These 15 years my MIL used to stay with one of my Sister-in-law's house for six months and the rest in my house. At the beginning I thought it was temporary and did not mind looking after her, however as the years went by it became a ritual of six month in my SIL's place and the rest in my place. However, the early part of 2017 my SIL who was taking care of my MIL passed away, since then the entire burden of full time full year care taking has fallen on our shoulder. My wife has no objection to it for obvious reasons. However, in what way I should be burdened with this long term care taking. Off late this issues has spoilt the atmosphere at home and happiness has taken a beating. No vacations, not able to spend quality time with family by going out. On the contrary all her sons enjoy multiple vacations and leading a happy life at the cost of my misery. The worst part is my BILs who are extremely well off don't even have the basic courtesy to seek my approval to have this arrangement working. They feel happy not having to take care of their aged mother in her dawn of life. My MIL is to be partly blamed for this, she keeps lamenting that she feels comfortable staying with us and with my SIL (who passed away), the sons and other daughters have seized this sentiment of my MIL and shoved upon this unwanted responsibility on us. Also, my MIL's affection and overtly love towards her sons and their kids are irritating, she has little or no love left for her daughter's kids, but she wants all her needs to be fulfilled by them though, how mean and selfish of her.

I now to seek opinion for my learned friends, if I can get any relief from law in this misery of mine.



Learning

 7 Replies

Vijay Raj Mahajan (Advocate)     30 January 2018

Don't want to take care of her, tell her to leave and stay with her son's as enough is enough for you to tolerate her behavior. You're legal obligation is to share for her maintenance along with other siblings of your wife. But one thing I'll tell you, whatever you're doing for her will come back to you with interest when you're of her age and otherwise too. Blessings of aged parents return back and make one's future secure and happy. This my personal experience with more than 35 years of marriage have taken care of parents of both side and I feel proud of this.

DplyHrtSoul (PM)     30 January 2018

Thanks for your advice Sir. I have in the past taken care of families in need and I will continue to do so, I believe in Karma and I know for sure it is going to do good for me sometime later. What irritates me is the behaviour and attitude of my MIL and her Sons Also my wife's reactions towards me when my MIL is at home. I feel out of place and feel suffocating at their acts, they do things at their whims and fancies. I have empathy towards senior citizens and help them in whatever way I can. I have learnt this from my grand dad.


(Guest)

Let them, the sons and the other daughters take care of your MIL turn by turn, they too are bhaagidaars here.
The bol bacchan pravachan by shri Vijay mahajan brings a tear in one eye but that is of no use.
These days you need to be practical.
Though the old age adage of what goes around comes around will always hold good, one need to be practical.  All those  monkeys have to sit along with you and your darling wife and discuss things regarding this.
Taking care of a person is only spending money on the person, who will contribute how much all this need to be discussed. 
Ask MIL to do tours to each of these monkeys houses, few days here, few days there like that she will also feel good, change of place and time pass. You will also feel relieved.

And there are scores of men who took care, taking care of in-laws even if they don’t feel like.

Today you feel there is no justice, what is this happening to me, nobody help me, all are selfish.  You start looking at this as charity work.  Develop that thing in you, say to yourself, if they don’t care about the old woman, I will.  Some day it might come back to you as well.
Saying get out to old woman will be easy, but then what difference between u and them?


(Guest)

Let them, the sons and the other daughters take care of your MIL turn by turn, they too are bhaagidaars here.
The bol bacchan pravachan by shri Vijay mahajan brings a tear in one eye but that is of no use.
These days you need to be practical.
Though the old age adage of what goes around comes around will always hold good, one need to be practical.  All those  monkeys have to sit along with you and your darling wife and discuss things regarding this.
Taking care of a person is only spending money on the person, who will contribute how much all this need to be discussed. 
Ask MIL to do tours to each of these monkeys houses, few days here, few days there like that she will also feel good, change of place and time pass. You will also feel relieved.

And there are scores of men who took care, taking care of in-laws even if they don’t feel like.

Today you feel there is no justice, what is this happening to me, nobody help me, all are selfish.  You start looking at this as charity work.  Develop that thing in you, say to yourself, if they don’t care about the old woman, I will.  Some day it might come back to you as well.
Saying get out to old woman will be easy, but then what difference between u and them?


(Guest)

Let them, the sons and the other daughters take care of your MIL turn by turn, they too are bhaagidaars here.
The bol bacchan pravachan by shri Vijay mahajan brings a tear in one eye but that is of no use.
These days you need to be practical.
Though the old age adage of what goes around comes around will always hold good, one need to be practical.  All those  monkeys have to sit along with you and your darling wife and discuss things regarding this.
Taking care of a person is only spending money on the person, who will contribute how much all this need to be discussed. 
Ask MIL to do tours to each of these monkeys houses, few days here, few days there like that she will also feel good, change of place and time pass. You will also feel relieved.

And there are scores of men who took care, taking care of in-laws even if they don’t feel like.

Today you feel there is no justice, what is this happening to me, nobody help me, all are selfish.  You start looking at this as charity work.  Develop that thing in you, say to yourself, if they don’t care about the old woman, I will.  Some day it might come back to you as well.
Saying get out to old woman will be easy, but then what difference between u and them?


(Guest)

Let them, the sons and the other daughters take care of your MIL turn by turn, they too are bhaagidaars here.
The bol bacchan pravachan by shri Vijay mahajan brings a tear in one eye but that is of no use.
These days you need to be practical.
Though the old age adage of what goes around comes around will always hold good, one need to be practical.  All those  monkeys have to sit along with you and your darling wife and discuss things regarding this.
Taking care of a person is only spending money on the person, who will contribute how much all this need to be discussed. 
Ask MIL to do tours to each of these monkeys houses, few days here, few days there like that she will also feel good, change of place and time pass. You will also feel relieved.

And there are scores of men who took care, taking care of in-laws even if they don’t feel like.

Today you feel there is no justice, what is this happening to me, nobody help me, all are selfish.  You start looking at this as charity work.  Develop that thing in you, say to yourself, if they don’t care about the old woman, I will.  Some day it might come back to you as well.
Saying get out to old woman will be easy, but then what difference between u and them?


(Guest)

Let them, the sons and the other daughters take care of your MIL turn by turn, they too are bhaagidaars here.
The bol bacchan pravachan by shri Vijay mahajan brings a tear in one eye but that is of no use.
These days you need to be practical.
Though the old age adage of what goes around comes around will always hold good, one need to be practical.  All those  monkeys have to sit along with you and your darling wife and discuss things regarding this.
Taking care of a person is only spending money on the person, who will contribute how much all this need to be discussed. 
Ask MIL to do tours to each of these monkeys houses, few days here, few days there like that she will also feel good, change of place and time pass. You will also feel relieved.

And there are scores of men who took care, taking care of in-laws even if they don’t feel like.

Today you feel there is no justice, what is this happening to me, nobody help me, all are selfish.  You start looking at this as charity work.  Develop that thing in you, say to yourself, if they don’t care about the old woman, I will.  Some day it might come back to you as well.
Saying get out to old woman will be easy, but then what difference between u and them?


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