We married a week early to start our visa processing. Mine was arranged marriage and we got engaged before we even met each other. His parents had come and finalised rishta. So basically I am shocked as to what happened that they hate me so much. From what I have heard from extended relatives and their own behaviour towards my marriage preparations etc, I was an idiot to get married. Infact i broke off engagement three times due to my sister in law and mother in laws harrasment over smallest issues. But my husband had ensured that it wont happen post marriage as he would take charge of protecting me. He definetly lived up to expectations.
His parents cant feel i stole him etc simple reason being- for 7 years before our marriage my husband has lived outside his own home for work purpose and not even once did his parents go and stay with him for 15 days also. He was always treated like step child while growing up and he confessed that he knew that his only out from their clutches was to take up a job far away and just keep sending money. his mother blackmailed him to take up a job after his bachelors to pay for his fathers treatment and sister's education. He was university ranker but abandoned dreams while his sister studied till phd. they lived in one room house but he paid for 2 bhk and shifted them and paid off whole loan asap so that his father n mother can enjoy some peace in after years. His sister was crazily upset whn we chose our honeymoon destination n didnt go to her prefered holiday location. It was this bad a control they had on my husband.
His mother thinks that how can he enjoy his married life when his sister who is 29 is still single? so she keeps ensuring im troubled enough to leave and go. Also, I had ensured i strongly protest if they abuse my parents for any reason. They had tht frustration too that we r not able to bully girl's parents.
So yeah they are typical 1970s ppl who think girl is commodity and me and my husband think we r equal partners in this relationship so we respect each others parents equally. but my breaking point to maintain respect came when my mother in law accused me of not checking my fertility before marriage. I mean which indian girl gets her fertility test and then gets married. I wasnt really making babies before marriage that i should be aware of issues. I refused to be treated as an infertile land and thats when they thought i was a bad bahu etc.
I am not justifying anything here because I know that i havent done even one thing wrong till the time I was accused for infertility. Just 2 years in marriage and i was forced into IVF. its not a pleasant feeling. And if you notice, in this entire episode my parents have not featured even once. I never got them involved because my family problems didnt need to be public. but dam broke after ivf money issues. My parents had visited my inlaws after some close relative died. My inlaws locked the door and went away as soon as my parents called up that they are on their way. My parents had traveled from Mumbai to Surat for this reason and still they were disrespected. This happened 8 months after our marriage and I had kept quite at tht time too. Also, when my father in law was ill my parents went to meet them, they didnt even behave properly or spoke to them. In diwali my parents gave sweets etc to all my husbands relatives personally visiting each and every member, but my inlaws didnt even bother calling and wishing on diwali let alone reciprocate.
Question is- give and take keeps on going in indian families, but for how long can one just give? Is breaking point and standing up for your rights make u a bad person because ur new to the family? if my husband gets treated like crap i cant keep quite n bear the insult. I stood up and protested and i am being labled as a bad bahu. so basically indian system wants girls to be beaten up and killed before justice will prevail? cant they stop this small mental tortures? Is reaching a point of commiting suicide or divorcing only solution? we r happy couple who will be broken off due to society pressures. Sint there anythijg to be done? my husband has built tht house with his blood money. and now if his father makes a will n leaves his share to his good for nothing daughter we r done for.
this case should be classic example of why you cannot trust your parents. Indians have laws to protect senior citizens and using that these citizens harrass their kids and since the sympathy is towards their age innocent ppl pay for it.
I do not want the money or property. Its just a right that has to be retained. plus i dont even care for my husbands money. he can live wid his stuff and enjoy. i am capable of having my own life and did before marriage too. I am not asking them to give it to ME. Its his and will stay his. I dont wanna hold even a joint account with him nor do i wish to have my name on marriage certificate. we both r secured in our love n trust and we know tht no names on papers can define us.
i am worried abt my husband. he lost everything just because he stood by me. so basically this also taught him tht he should support person wid max money and strength instead of truth.
I would have been better off if i was beaten n harrased by him n his parents too. until then no protection for me. my parents should have spoken abt my rights only after i was killed or driven to commit suicide? this is what happened 6 months back when well educated women started killing themselves and innocent kids. parents came up with the harrasement story only after their deaths because till then pressure of maintaining good relations was so high that they decided to loose their daughter instead of prestige. for me my life is precious but yes, if need be and things go nasty, i will definetly see my options of ending life rathar than continuing such harrased life.
but i am not weak and i would not think of prestige. greed is not the word here. what will i gain by making 2 aged ppl homeless? i dnt have the courage to teach my kids any morals if i am so immoral. i belive in karma and i belive in justice. but yes, i wont take crap and be termed bad because i am not letting anyone beat me up.