A few days back I went to watch a movie and I saw couples many of whom were newlywed and they were holding hands together, having romantic chats and enjoying each other’s company. Initially I felt bad as to why I could not have a happy or atleast a normal married life and I could see the golden years of my married life pass by. Gradually I felt a feeling of helplessness and frustration. I kept on asking 2 questions from myself, firstly why me? And secondly, why people behave the way they do?
Throughout my rough phase of life I have been asking myself as to WHY ME? Why was it me who was to undergo this suffering? Why my wife deserted me and went away with my 6 month old baby without any of my fault…WHY ME GOD? Frankly for a long time I couldn’t answer this question and kept on asking myself why it had to be me. I have always been an innocent, sincere and nice person to everyone. Some one told me … Oh don’t be disheartened, you just met a matrimonial accident… But why was I to have come across this accident… WHY ME? Could it be my destiny, my previous birth karmas… well may be. But on thinking harder and from my knowledge of Hindu scripttures and the Holy Geeta, I realized that the soul has no bondage or relations. My parents are my parents till the time they are in their bodies. My wife is my wife till my soul is this body. The body is just a vehicle for my soul to perform its worldly duties and this MAYAJAL tends to entrap the soul. Whatever is happening to me is just an episode in my soul’s long journey from one birth to another. It’s just a lesson my soul is learning on its way to maturity and on its way towards achieving nirvana.
Look another way, my soul had relationship with my wife and kid as it was supposed to giveback somethings that I owed to them and once my balance of give and take from them is over, they have parted their ways from my soul’s journey.
Coming to my second but a more practical worldly question which iam sure you all must be wondering… why people behave the way they do? Or simply put… why did our wives put 498 or DV against us? If our wives were to leave us, they would have directly filed for divorce. Somebody once told me…”nothing and nothing in this world happens without a reason”. One would be surprised to know that most wives who have been suffering from dowry harassment and domestic violence do not use legal measures because they know from the first instance that their husbands and inlaws would be happy to get rid of them. Whereas when the educated urban girls get married to a loving husband and parent like inlaws, they use such false cases as a preplanned gamble. The most common demand is of a separate household and if you broadly go through the judgments/ Outcomes for 498/ DV Cases without going into much detail, one would find that this demand can be met by putting these cases (Actually misusing them). The fulfillment of the demand for separate house hold makes the wife queen of this new kingdom(and not her mother in law). But frankly there can be other demands as well.
I remember a few lines that my pundit spoke out when I was getting married… he read out from his scriptture that the groom tells the bride that I shall marry you, take care of you life long, protect you, fulfill your demands, be faithful to you if you shall nurture my family, take care of my kids and MY PARENTS. But I was surprised to find that nowhere in the Hindu marriage act there is a direct mention of the fact that your wife is supposed to take care of your parents. Therefore a wife cannot be legally divorced if she doesn’t take care of the husband’s parents. This has lead to a MISMATCH between the traditional hindu marriage vows and the Hindu marriage act. The availability of Dowry act and the DV Act of 2005, have armoured the educated urban women to forcefully get her demands fulfilled.
I believe that we as husbands should not retaliate by putting divorce cases in retaliation to 498a and DV Cases and should fight them on our merits and we would definitely win. Many a times an angered, frustrated husband is misguided by his lawyer to put a divorce case in order to retaliate and pressurize the girl’s side but remember most of the times these are based on weak grounds (the lawyer would simply say…” Don’t worry my son, you have a strong case to rectify this wicked women or free you from her clutches”). These cases further fall weak in gender biased Indian courts that are inclined towards saving marriages. The girl’s side knows about these facts very well before they put up such cases. Just imagine if you were to hit an innocent man then you would analyze your chances of winning this calculated risk and also have a backup plan in case you are losing. The same is the case with the girl’s sides that has already inquired about this and has indepth knowledge about outcomes and keeps RCR as a final backup plan to save the marriage if their demands are not getting fulfilled.
I Believe RCR can never help the boys’ side. Simply put, you cannot ask a girl to forcefully share a bedroom with you. Remember it is the girl that moves into the boy’s house and not vice verse. Be prepared for 3-5 years of mental stress. Always tell yourself that if she comes back you shall be happy if she doesn’t then also you shall be happy. Stop deriving happiness from the happiness of your spouse. Do your duties well, remain content. The only element that can win you this game is “PATIENCE”. Have patience, believe in God that he will do good and remember that ‘ache logon ke sath hamesha acha hotha hai’. Remember, now that you have fallen into this situation…. Don’t try to run away rather try to FACE IT HEAD ON. What you invest now is for your better future ahead. NOBODY AND I REPEAT NOBODY can control you except you. STOP WORRYING that your wife shall take control over you. Be a MAN and solve this without worrying about the outcome. OUTCOME IS NOT IN YOUR HANDS… IT’S ALREADY BEEN DECIDED BY DESTINY. Keep your profession, financial and health status upbeat.
I recall these lines by Robert Frost:
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promesis to keep
And MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP
AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP….