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Hari Mahato (Finance)     22 September 2014

A way out

Dear Members of the LCI

I am Harish (29) and am about to get married to an Indian girl. Due to work purposes, I came to Germany for some time.

It is an arranged marriage and we got to know each other via a sister of mine like an year ago. But since I was in Germany we first met in January '14 for a day in front of the families and then I came back here. We maintain telephonic and mobile contacts till today.

I flew 2 weeks before the engagement and court marriage. It was August this year when we got engaged and also sign the court paper with the help of a marriage registrar in Kolkata. Since I'm from Kolkata, everything took place there. Having the court marriage before the social marriage was my idea which I now regret but I thought this would help her to apply for the VISA and after the social marriage in December I can bring her here. 

After the court marriage I stayed for another two weeks in India where we spent some time together and then I am back here again. I'm not sure what should be categorised as physicality ? but we didn't reach an extreme point of physical relation as We both want to wait until the social marriage gets done and we hardly had any privacy. 
 
Now in the meantime I'm seeing a huge change in the girl's behaviour and she fights with me quite often on very little things which is making me mentally depressed and I find it difficult to concentrate on work or anything. I am fearing that may be this will continue after the marriage as well and it might lead to a point where except for getting divorce I would have no other option left. I would like to know if there is any way to prepare a Prenup now (before social/hindu marriage) ? so that if anything like that happens, I wouldn't end up loosing my life long savings after divorce.

During our last conversations, I realised that she also has suicidal tendencies and since she gets angry really quick, I just would like to know if there is anything or any document that I can prepare which can save me if she takes any such steps intentionally ?

I love her a lot and since everyone used to say even from her family that I'm a very happy go lucky kind of person, I might be able to change their daughter's behaviour which they hide initially but the way my personal life has turned out, I'm certainly lost and don't know how to handle.

Please suggest what should I do. Should I divorce her or should I continue this marriage ? I want to continue this marriage but is there anything that I can do to save me from loosing a chunk of money in case a divorce happens in the future ? Also if I divorce her now, what are the chances of me paying alimony ? She used to work for an MNC for a long time and has a good savings but recently quit her job due to marriage preparations but she has the potential and experience to get a job anytime she wants.
 
kind regards.


Learning

 4 Replies

sandykrish (Interested in Family LAW)     22 September 2014

Try to meet the marriage counsellor or even the psychiatrist to assess and bring about changrs. That's why our elders say give 6 to 1 year of time post engagement to assess both the behaviour. I believe you both have to stay together for some more days to figure out the possibilities. My suggestion is to give a last try to this marriage. If it doesn't work you anyway have an option.

rani jain (others)     26 September 2014

Its too early to think about divorce. Why do guys nowadays take solution as divorce of any problem: 1.No divorce possible till completion of one year of marriage as per hindu marriage act. Until & unless by mutual consent 2.You can't judge a person by few months that too in long distance relation. Give it some time 3.Its a question of a girls life. What is the guarentee if you divorce her & get married to some one else- you will be compatible 4.Fear God- Though not written in law but what if after years you get a daughter & her husband think to divorce her on no grounds. All have to pay back here only. Thanks A true feminist

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     26 September 2014

Go alone and consult a psychologist. Not marriage counsellor.  Tell him about your wife's anger and other symptomps and find out whether is it a problem or not and if it is a problem curable or not.  Take one more appointment with him  to visit him along with your wife.   Take your wife to him and tell her that you have problem of  anger management and do not tell to her that actually for her problem you will be visiting him.  This you can pre-arange with the psychologist.  If the psychologist tells it a minor problem and it can be tackled with, then live happily.  I see that in every human beings life there are ups and downs, pleasurable moments and sombre, sad and black days and moods.  One should not quickly jump to the conclusions about evaluating a person,that too a would be life partner.  After psychologist's evolution shows that you will have perennial problems in matrimonial life, then opt for snapping the ties.  For that there is a provision for annulment.  But that can wait.  Go for psychologist first.  Best of luck. 

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     26 September 2014

hardly one month old and you spent with her only two weeks of marriage and no presumptions what to do and what not to do 

because if the steps you take may reflect in your future married life 

as you say that before marriage she was good and only after marriage the behavior has changed may be she is worried about living you and the idea of staying in different place after marriage also changes the behavior 

so if you want to take advice of a psychologist you can but it is very early to take your wife to psychologist which may spoil your relations even more and there will be no option for you.


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