We have worked with couples facing divorce litigations. Divorce is really a tough phases for any couple. Leaving the exceptional cases where divorce was inevitable, we observed (in cases we come across) a strange fact that in most of the cases small issues have caused the differences in the couples. Due to absence of proper counseling, the difference had taken ugly shape and finally reached to up divorce litigation. We are mentioning some of such issues here which badly affect the relationships but actually these are very small issues for a tougher journey called life.
In this article, we are mentioning few of such issues which may compel the couples with difficulty in relationships to introspect their situations. It may be useful to save a relation. We have used the word partner in place of husband – wife. So, wherever you read partner word, you can put and appropriate person and compare the issues mentioned herein. Wherever we have used the word ‘you’ , it denotes a person who may facing a little difficulty in marital relationship.
Whatever I am saying is right!: The basic reason of initiation of any argument is that the partner think he/she is right. Proving right become dominant. Partner tries to prove with all powers within that what he/she think or do is absolutely right.
Think: Being right is important for you or being loved is important. A lover accept even a wrong thing. You are not the teacher of your partner who can not accept the little wrong. Think , do you want to be teacher of your partner or a lover of you partner. Love is bigger thing, I believe.
Can’t you say this little politely: Partner says the right thing but he/she speaks in such a horrible way that another partner cannot digest it at all. The way you communicate with your partner is very much vital factor to save the relationships.
Think:Most people are really sensitive about communication. Partners get off-mood or some time disturb due to harsh way of communication. Whenever you think whether you are communicating in a proper manner or now, ask a simple question you yourself “Would you communicate in the same manner you communicated with the partner if he/she would be your girl/boy friend before marriage?“
Don’t criticize to Mom’:The easiest way to irritate anybody is to tell something absurd about his/her parents. Please understand, Parents are genetically connected with their son/daughter. The DNA loves another DNA or you can say in a different way that, at least, one DNA can’t bear the insult of similar DNA.
Think: Have you said something absurd about parents of your partner which he/she didn’t like. Don’t criticize the parents even in the lighter discussion. DNA get activated very soon. Be very careful about commenting on his/her parents.
Comparison of partner: When a partner compare the other partner with someone else even with the good intention, the another partner immediately starts comparing the educating partner with his counter parts. You compare him/her and listen your comparison immediately. And if you don’t feel good about you comparison with someone else then how you can expect the other can take it positively.
Think: When the last time you told your partner that someone else is more beautiful/smart or intelligent. Have you noticed the responses? Do you think comparing the partner can save your relationship?
Why should I make a first call?: After the heated argument, the couple usually stops talking to each other. They wait that let other one make the first call. And the other partner think in the same way and didn’t make a call. The communication gap increases which leads to misunderstanding and suspicion. It ultimately leads to more arguments, abrupt fights and all that stuff.
Think: Will you really become small if you make a first call. Would it cost very high? Can’t you initiate first and later on claim to be more wise after your settlement !
Please don’t disturb!:- The quarreling partners uses this peculiar sentence ‘Please don’t disturb !” when they actually wanted to be disturb. They wanted that the other partner should disturb them, pamper them, show love but instead of saying directly what they actually wanted they use the this phrase ‘please don’t disturb’ to show their strength. But once their partner leave the room for ‘not to disturb’ then the ordering partner feels really broken.
Think: Are you demanding something from your partner which actually you don’t want to have and demanding just want to satisfy to feeling to turn down your partner.
These are and similar issues like it are actually small issues which should be addressed through a proper counseling. The counselor can your good friend, parents or a professional counselor. We hope this article can help to someone in need.
Thanks & regards